Originally Posted: 2004-07-01 2:58pm
WOMB FOR RENT - WARM & COZY - SELDOM OCCUPIED - MOVE IN TODAY!
VACANCY - WOMB FOR RENT
My name is Maggie. I'm 26 years old, attractive & sexy. I'm an aspiring actress and landlady of a very special piece of property. I'm placing my property on the market.
This is a beautiful piece of property, that will comfortably accommodate one nice man, and occasionally a women, if there's a party.
1) Male tenant preferred and Female visitors allowed
2) Must be successfully employed, or retired
3) Must be clean cut, honest, and reliable
4) Must be respectful of the Landlady's property and treat it gently and with the utmost care.
In seeking a tenant the Landlady does not discriminate by age or race.
1) Very small & tight quarters. Perfect to lay your head down.
2) Manicured and neatly trimmed dark blond shrubbery, leading to a bright pink inviting entrance.
3) The interior is always well kept, clean, and fresh. The landlady always keeps the place nicely scented.
4) The property comes with all original appliances, that were installed 26 years ago. The appliances are in excellent condition, hardly used and well mantained.
5) The property is always dark, damp, and moist, and doesn't get much sunlight. However,the few tenants that have occupied the property in the past have really enjoyed it that way.
6) There is a 'WELL' on the property, that will spout a gusher from time to time. In order to get the benefit & pleasure of the gusher, it will be the tenant's sole responsibility to correctly sink a shaft and erect a pump. The pumping must be done vigorously. During the pumping, the tenant must supply and place a couple of his own large stones near the opening to the 'WELL', thus preventing anyone from falling in accidently. Please note, when removing your shaft & pump you must be careful not to leave the opening any larger then you originally found it. This helps to prevent any unauthorized use or entry into the 'WELL'.
7) The entire property is free of all diseases and vermin. The tenant must promise to keep it that way.
8) The exterior facade of the property is absolutely beautiful. It features a blond colored roof, freshly touched up, but mostly natural. There are two large round headlights mounted near the top of the facade. The high-beams are pointed straight ahead, and not towards the ground. This lights up the entire driveway making it easier for you to enter the property at night.
9) They always say, "Location, Location, Location". This property is centrally located in Manhattan.
1) Please, No Dogs Allowed. But a little Pussy is nice.
2) Party & Entertaining Policy: The walls are strong and in great shape. So, having loud and wild parties, and banging against the walls is allowed & encouraged. Also, if you have a couple of friends that you hang around with, and they're 'NUTS', it's okay to invite them. They're always the life of the party.
3) All deliveries must come in the front door. There is a very nice rear door, but that's ONLY used to take out the trash.
4) You must be able to move in and out, rapidly and repeatedly, on short notice, if necessary.
5) Sorry, no short term transients. You must make a commitment to a long term lease.
6) All prospective tenant's must pass a credit and background check, prior to taking possession to the property.
7) The rent is negotiable. Make an offer. The tenant should feel free to make improvements to the property at their own expense. Redecorating & dressing the property up, as well as scenting it with expensive perfumes, is highly recommended.
If you're interested in applying for this property, then email your application to the landlady with all your important details. It would greatly help if you would describe the tenant and the size of your personal belongings. Since, the premises are VERY SMALL & TIGHT, you may not be able to fit large personal belongings. Send photo of tenant and personal belongings, if available.
Upon receipt of your email, I will immediately send all approved applications, photos of the landlady together with her fine piece of property. If you like what you see in the photos, we can arrange a private showing. At which time you may be asked to leave a deposit on the premises. So please come prepared.
P.S. Also for convenience, there is an eating establishment on the premises, for those who enjoy eating at the 'Y'.
this is in or around Manhattan, NYC