GOD am I SICK of pregnant women! My office had a baby boom and 14 women got knocked up in the last year. I have no ill will toward them or their spawn, but I take umbrage with the behavior and attitude that accompanies this "miracle of life".
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THE DISGUSTING BODY FUNCTION conversations, I don't want to hear it!
ALL THE LABOR HORROR STORIES...let's discuss this in a hermetically sealed room shall we? So you don't nauseate everyone around you with the details of your placenta? Thanks. Oh, and if I hear "Mucus plug" or "episiotmy" I will clothesline your swollen ass.
The smugness makes me laugh. Just because Demi Moore posed naked and pregnant on the cover of Vanity Fair you now think you're a supermodel with your popped out belly button. Hey, I got a big belly, too...no baby in there, but does this mean that my shit don't stink? Oh wait, yours DOES stink and you keep talking about it!!!!
Listen, I am all for multiplying and continuing the species...those bastards you're having now will be paying my social security if it still exists by then. However, you are not something special just because you got a bun in the oven. People in third world countries do it all the time and nobody is licking their asses and throwing office baby showers for them. Please stop inviting me, I don't know you well enough to shell out any money toward your nursery. I'm sick of coming back to my desk after hearing your gushy disgusting stories in the ladies room with women who can't have babies anymore cooing about their ancient pregnancy-hemorhoids to find that goofy smiling baby's face on my keyboard, your "powerpoint" shower invite. I AM NOT COMING.
Oh, and why are you naming your babies something like "Cameron" when your last name is "Cozaluski"...do you have any idea how WRETCHED that is? YOU ARE NOT A WASP and naming your baby won't make it so!
I can't wait for the years worth of poop stories about your brats and the endless bragging about what genius humanitarians your pre-schoolers are. And NO I won't buy their stupid candy fundraising crap either.
this is in or around everywhere