Originally Posted: 2004-06-09 4:16pm
People on the subway that deserve to die
Okay, Here is a list of the people whom I would love to douse with a gallon of my asparagus scented urine:
1. Little old asian ladies who run onto the train before letting other passengers get off and push through everyone in the hopes of getting a precious seat. And when they don't get one, they pull the "I'm old and fragile" face to try to guilt you into giving up yours. Fuck you lady...I saw you hurdle over the other passengers with the agility of Angelo Taylor. That old, decrepit song and dance isn't going to work on me.
2. Overweight people that think they can squeeze their fat ass into a seat on a train that wouldn't fit an anorexic supermodel. Look, I'm a guy, and I'm not one of those assholes that has to aircondition his nutsack by spreading his legs out across three seats, so there is no need for you to huff and puff that you can't get your fat ass onto the seat next to me. Stop eating so many burgers.
3. People who can't seem to grasp the technology of the Metro Card vending machines. You don't need to have a college degree to figure out how to get a card out of these intricate pieces of modern technology. C'mon people...I'm sure you can press a button that will get it to speak in your language if you don't quite comprehend english, so you have no excuse!!!!
4. Those assholes that position themselves at the doors of the train so they can be the first person off. That's fine and dandy with me, but, hows about standing aside to let some of us on the train to begin with? You obsessive compulsive fucks...the world isn't going to come to an end if you aren't the first one off the fucking train!!!!
5. People who just have to read their newspaper in the morning on a crowded train. I dealt with one of you...I was sick of that paper scraping across my neck every time you turned a page...what did I do? I grabbed the fucking thing and balled it up. You know who you are.
6. People that have to preach the word of god on the train in the morning. C'mon people. First of all...religion belongs in a church or synagogue (or whatever religious establishment you belong to). Don't subject the rest of us to your beliefs, and stop tying everything in to terrorism and 9/11. Why does religious bullshit have to coincide with 9/11? I just don't get it. And is it a coincidence that all of these subway preachers are christian?
7. It's been mentioned before, but people that bring their stinky food on the train. Usually this occurs in the morning. Listen asshole...it's disgusting. I view eating food on the train as being in the same ballpark as eating food in a public restroom. How is this for a solution? Wake your lazy ass up one half hour earlier and eat your nasty food in the privacy of your home.
8. While we are on this kick...women who do their makeup on the train. Unless you are homeless, or are a ho freshening up from a long nights work...there is no excuse for you to make the packed subway train your little vanity room. Every time a woman does that, I pray that the train will stop short, forcing them to jab their liner pencils into their eye.
That's all for now, but I'm sure I will have more.
this is in or around Manhattan