best of craigslist > new york > dear fucker that went through my underwear drawer,
Originally Posted: 2004-06-02 4:39pm

dear fucker that went through my underwear drawer,

yesterday, you felt the urge to break into our apartment and steal basically everything that can be plugged into a wall. you left the guitar and i appreciate that more than you know as it was my father's and irreplacable.

but that isn't going to stop me from finding you and torturing you with hot pokers and the dullest steak knife in my kitchen.

you took the phone but not the charger. you took the digital camera but not the patch cord. you took the game console and the games but not the a/v cord. you took the charger for the ipod, yet the ipod wasn't even here for you to steal.

you're not very good at this, are you?

i will find you - make no mistake about that. you made the fatal error of robbing me in a neighborhood where everyone (EVERYONE) knows me. someone will have seen something. someone will tell me who you are, what you look like - i will find you.

and when i do, you better hope to christ it's around a hell of a lot of police officers, because sweetie, i'm going to hurt you so bad you're going to yodel like a little fucking bitch.

you made a lot of mistakes. you took stupid shit that you won't get more than five dollars for. you took things that need cords and cords that need things and you won't be able to sell a lot of it. but the worst mistake you could make was stealing shit from someone that is just psychotic enough to spend the rest of their life looking for you to do serious harm to your sneaky, thieving hide.

and what in god's name did you think you were going to find in my underwear drawer!?


post id: 32724120

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