I bet you're feeling pretty stupid right now. Now I don't know if it's your regular practice to steal bags from slumbering commuters early in the AM or it was your idea of spontaneous fun. You almost got my wallet too - as I woke up it was peaking out my front jacket pocket, almost free for the stealing, but not quite. You should have concentrated on the wallet, it had a lot more of what you wanted, but I'm sure you understand that now.

Instead you stole my ho bag. The duffel bag that I used for my illicit afternoon job, the bag that I had tricked out with toys, slutty clothes, condoms, two types of lube, wet naps, rope, heels, stockings, handcuffs, pretty much everything you'd need for an afternoon of non-S/M prostitution. That day had been really profitable and then you have to steal my bag- nearly destroying my profits. I'm going to have to guess you're a guy, probably straight and narrow, and probably a petty thief. If you have a girlfriend, she's probably not accomodating enough to dress up like a whore and use my toys while you watch. I doubt you can sell my prostitute goods, though if I see my stuff being harked by a chinese woman on canal street, I'll certainly be impressed. Really, you got absolutely nothing from my ho bag. I wish I could have seen the look on your face when, having whisking my ho bag away and awaiting your spoils, you were faced with my dildos and lube and thongs.

Sure I feel like an idiot for not latching my ho bad to my person, but at least you feel like an idiot too. Goddamn cockgnobber stealing my fucking ho bag.