I am very interested in the role of web sites like CL in enabling women to be more precise about their sexual needs. I find it fascinating in fact, that you can post for a green eyed man who’s under 5’10’’, smokes but doesn’t drink and who likes striped goldfish, and your mailbox fills up with 20 responses in 20 minutes. [don’t believe me? Try it yourself, posting as a female in NSA.]

Of course, I extrapolated that such web sites are doing this for other women because well, CL is doing that for me. So, I’ve decided to post a guide to what would drive me wild. This isn’t particularly an erotic piece of writing: that was last Friday, and boy, was I rewarded. 63 responses! This is more of a philosophy. I doubt it works for all women. Many men have told me in the last few months that all women are different, in the way they want to pleased as well as in the way they please. I’m not wholly convinced that the same is true for men, but feel free to post your opinion.

So, here goes.

For me, achieving an orgasm and becoming aroused are two wholly separate experiences. I can become aroused by many sexual practices, many flavors. And, often, arousal is enough. I am very, very good at pleasing myself. Sure, it’s been harder since the antidepressants, but they have changed my life, and it’s a side effect that I accept. I rarely come with someone else, and while I’m working on changing that by actually talking about what I want, I am also ok with just becoming aroused because it provides fodder for my fantasies.

But if I was a man, making love to me, here’s what I’d do.

First, I would want to make me come before we had sex. It’s to the man’s advantage physically, because the vaginal tissue becomes engorged with blood (much the same way a penis does), swollen and so wet after orgasm. Also, once you’ve made me come, all my tissues become swelled (my breasts) and the somewhat analgesic effects of orgasm also take over. What does this mean to a man? He can do it really hard, rough if that’s his and his partner’s thing, and it’s not going to hurt as much. Pinch my nipples when you greet me hello? There’s no fine line between pleasure or pain there for me, buddy. Just pain. It’s hurts, and I don’t like it. That’s why I go “Och!” because you, see, it hurt me. No, I wasn’t joking.

For me to come, it’s got to be done softly. That’s how I do it. In fact, if you want to learn about my body, why don’t you ask to watch me. You may be surprised. I don’t shove three of my fingers into my vagina, in fact, I don’t put anything in there. Yes, that’s right. I don’t touch it. All I do is take a single finger right above my clit and I rub back and forth – NOT up and down – for about five minutes. Consistently. I would never touch the clit directly: it hurts way too much. Again, no fine line there between pleasure and pain. It hurts. I think it probably hurts like after you come in my mouth, and you’re still there, and I withdraw you slowly, and you still suck in air quickly.

If I do start to moan or make some other sound that indicates you’ve found the right spot, then please don’t change what you’re doing. Do not go faster or slower. Because I have to build up again from scratch. The stop start thing gets me exhausted, I get frustrated, roll over, give you a blow job and then I leave. Also, no homing pigeons, please. If I move your hand away from a spot, don’t back there.

Of course, the joy of sex with others is the foreplay to orgasm. Touch my breast softly. Treasure them. Kiss me softly. Do not suck on my nipples like you’re trying to get the last bit of soda out of a can. Hurts. Try sticking your tongue in them. You know my girlfriends say when they've had great sex? “He was so gentle.” It’s a turn on. Ask me if it feels good. Some women are loud, some aren’t. Some women will tell you what do to, some cannot imagine doing so. Most would answer a direct question, and many if not all, would answer a or b, if you said do you like it this way, or that way?

Now, I have difficulty letting you do all the work. So, if want me to come, tell me you’re enjoying my body. Tell me you are getting pleasure from touching my body. Then I can relax.

Also, a word or two about vibrators. They are wonderful, wonderful toys, and I like them lots. But a few tips: take a vibrator and put it on your nipple for 10 minutes. What do you feel? Nothing. Any piece of your body stimulated that intensely becomes numb after about 10 minutes. That's why people use "muscle massagers" to ease muscle tension: it makes the muscle numb! Numb is not the feeling that you want to achieve here. Move the vibrator around. A lot or adjust a little, depending on what works.

Lubricant? Good idea. Forget the strawberry flavored stuff. And I’d rather you not use that half full bottle by your bed side; I don’t where it’s been and I don’t want to think about that. Pony up six bucks for a new bottle. (And then I’ll buy the next bottle). And let me frigin' see it. Do not put gloop in my body without asking me or telling me what it is. Also, K-Y is used in gynecology exams. Rub that cold shit on me and I start to feel well, like I’m at the gynecologist Again, not the feeling you want to go for, unless you’re doing that gyno role play thing. Rub it on your hands to warm it up. Let me rub some on your dick when I’m going down on you: we’ll both enjoy it more.

What’s in for you when you’ve done this? Well, almost anything you want. (This, by the way, is not a plea for e-mailed responses.) You can bang me hard and deep from behind, slapping me on the ass. We can sixty nine, or I’ll get on my knees and suck you until you’re dry. I can whisper how you made me feel as no one else did while you hook my legs over your shoulders, or I can shout “Give me your angrey love! I want it so badly!” while I straddle you. Because you see, you made me come.