The Popsicle Cartel
If you HATE orange popsicles, as I do, you wind up throwing one quarter of the box away.
If you write to Popsicle Brand Popsicle people asking this question, they don't answer you. I practically live on Popsicle Brand Popsicles and can't believe they don't answer me. WHY? Do I, perhaps, sound like a raving lunatic who has more invested in popsicles than they do?
I also wrote them and asked WHY the quality control of sugar free popsicles is so poor. Sometime I get a box and the cherry is the cherry from the TROPICAL FLAVOR box. No shit.
I HATE the tropical flavors. They SUCK. And now they are sneaking them into the regular boxes. Do they just have some left over and they toss them in there? How do they get in there? Is it a joke of some kind on the popsicle assembly line? What is going on at the popsicle factory? Are Lucy and Ethel working there?
Other times you'll get a grape and it will taste like lightly flavored frozen water. ick.
And the orange is about the only flavor that is consistently orange and I hate the orange.
And why can't stores keep these only the shelves? SF popsicles I mean. Here is a run down of popsicle carrying stores and their issues:
1. Fairway. Fairway is an issue unto itself. I want to kill people in that store every time I go in. They have great tabouli and great mini bagels and decent prices but their help is rude, the cashiers act like you're annoying the piss out of them just by your presence, the other shoppers are idiots who can't get the fak out of the way, Fairway puts raisins in its rice pudding (Chef Genius, there should NOT be raisins in rice pudding you dope), and the popsicles are all the way in the frigging back. And you go up that last aisle and the help look at you like you've just committed a murder. It's *their* aisle. It is. So you go through the gauntlet of hell and stand dumbstruck at the freezer because there are NO SF popsicles. There is never anyone to ask for new ones and you know they have them. You just want to take the freight elevator down with the surly help and get them yourself.
But when they do have them, the price is right and the quality is good (no tropicals from them)but I only brave the insanity at Fairway when I absolutely must.
2. Gristedes. What is up with this place? It's dingy dirty and crappy. Most of them are always out of SF popsicles. I asked customer service one day if they had any downstairs. The guy comes up with the box FORTY FIVE minutes later and complains that people buy too many popsicles. He handed me a box. I asked him for two. He said, "See what I mean?" I get them home, the cherry are tropical and the grape is watered down. I always get watered down grape from Gristedes. Perhaps they order them special so people won't buy too many.
The help are not rude but they give you the distinct impression that they'd be having a better day if you weren't there making them do shit like ring your stupid groceries up. Gristedes is more expensive than anywhere else but you're paying for....um, I have no idea.
3. Westside Markets. I like this store. I hate the small aisles with the buffons on their fakking cell phones blocking the way (yesterday a lady said to me "I'm going as fast as I can." and I said, "Uh, no you're NOT." She stopped to hit enter or whatever the fak on her cell phone...that is NOT as fast as you can. And she was HUGE. Huge. So let's block the teeny aisle, stop to hit a button and then claim to be going at top speed. I don't think so.)
As I said, I like Westside Markets. They have good rotissere chicken, good spaghetti carbonara and NO STUPID RAISINS in the rice pudding. They sell 4000 kinds of cous-cous but no tabouli. Definitely a downer. But there was a pleasant surprise in the freezer section. SF popsicles had TWO extra in every box. Now I wish they would say what flavors those are because if one is orange, that's only one extra. The help is somewhat pleasant here. Not the tudes of Fairway and slightly more interested in you than Gristedes. Anyway, I got the SF popsicles home and the cherry was tropical and the grape tasted weird. But they were better than Gristedes and cheaper, though not as cheap as Fairway.
3. Fresh Direct. Slightly more expensive than Fairway but you put up with nobody. No surly help. No idiotic shoppers. And they are always in stock and very fresh and no tropical. Some nice Fresh Direct person comes to your house and delivers a dozen boxes of SF popsicles to you while you're still in your pajamas. You can't get a dozen boxes of SF popsicles ANYWHERE ELSE in this city.
As I said, slightly more expensive than Fairway but if you want to put up with that Fairway bullshit, be my guest. Fresh Direct is the way to go for Popsicles.
4. Whole Foods: Does not carry Popsicles. I don't shop there for that reason. I occasionally stop in to see what the hoi polloi are up to.
5. Food Emporium. Does not carry Popsicles. Mostly rude cashiers. "Homemade" entrees are pretty good but not worth it to stop there.
6. Garden of Eden. I like this store. It doesn't carry Popsicles. Definitely a problem but the prices are okay, the help is friendly and it just makes me feel good. I think they put raisins in the rice pudding but I could be wrong. Good tabouli and good chicken.
Please write to the Popsicle Brand Popsicles people and tell them a box of sf grape would be most welcome. But it can't be watered down. A box of sf cherry would be welcome too. But it can't be tropical. Orange should be banned.
Other people TRY to make sugar free ice pops but none is Popsicle Brand Popsicles. They have a whole cartel and they refuse to answer viewer mail. Definitely a problem and I wish I was not hooked on them.
And from now on, I'm going to start calling them mf popsicles.