Dear Boyfriend, I don't want to go to your friend's gig tonight. I realize that makes boring, especially when the alternative is "just sit on the couch", but in an effort to help you understand why I say "no", I present:
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Sarah's Helpful Guide to Understanding Why She Frequently Denies Attempts to Go Out
1. I really don't mind being at home most nights of the week. I spend all day around people and find the peace and quiet of my house to be quite nice.
2. Going out usually means showering, which means doing my makeup, blow drying/straightening my hair, finding something to wear, ironing, etc. And while I know I can accomplish these things in record time, none of this is fun for me. At all.
3. I like to cook dinner. Going out means I probably won't have time to cook dinner and will either be stuck eating another f'ing Lean Cuisine for dinner or getting something unhealthy and overpriced and probably tastes like crap anyway.
4. You won't let me kiss other boys. 'Nuf said.
5. I am not rich. As much as I'd love to spend all of my discretionary funds on beer, I cannot. I've got things like speeding tickets, dental work and shoes to pay for.
6. I have to get up at 7-something during the week. Being hungover and/or tired at work is not fun.
7. I need to go to the gym/not turn into a fat ass. Going out means I probably won't go to the gym. On top of not exercising, I'll be consuming beer. Beer = fat. Fat = bad.
All of that aside, you know I am really a fan of weeknight outings, I am. I'm all about Thirsty Thursdays, Wed. half-price pitcher nights, Ladies Night, etc. I love them all. But I just can't do them all, nor do I want to.
So tonight, if you want to go, by all means do so. I'll be home with my vegetable soup, on the couch, perhaps looking for a new job that pays me $100K, has office hours of 11-3 and offers free personal training so I can start going out more often.
Let me also remind you of the benefits of being at home with me: I have a super comfortable couch, a great HDTV, will cook an awesome dinner for us (possibly wearing nothing but an apron and heels), happily bring beer to you while I'm cooking and then watch baseball with you after dinner.
Now, are you sure you want to go out?
- Location: home
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