Dear Visiting Attorney
So when a “visiting attorney” comes to spend a few days with us, we perk up a bit. After all, here’s someone who can’t fire us. And in your case, someone who’s pretty damn good looking. Especially on Fridays. Oh how I love your jeans. But this post isn’t about me. It’s about you and your behavior toward a certain copy girl.
I guess the life of an out-of-towner must be kind of rough. The only times you come here are when there are shit-loads of work to do. The only people you have to socialize with are the people you spend unhappy hours mired in said loads of shit. But you're young. You're cool. You rise above the typical isolation of the out-of-towners. You make friends with the staff. Like me. And the lovely copy girl. And after you'd been away for months, you complimented me on my haircut! But this isn't about me. Or you in those goddamn jeans.
So you and the copy girl chat a lot. She's cool. You're cool. You're both pretty hot. You're married. With a new little baby that's supercute. And you want to go out for drinks with the lovely copy girl. Why not? You're bored and don't know many people in town. You apparently aren't aware of the possibilities of trolling for anonymous ass on craigslist (or haven't yet stooped to that level). You-copy girl-drinks. It's on!
But then, in casual conversation, the copy girl mentions her boyfriend. You're visibly surprised (here's a hint -- stick to the desk and out of the courtroom with that poker face). Copy Girl is a little confused by your reaction. After all. You're married. With a supercute new kid, remember? Surely you couldn't have been... wanting something more... than a few drinks and something to do with your boring nights in town?
But, yes, clearly you were wanting something more. Because now all mention of drinks has dried up. In fact, all conversation has dried up. Copy Girl is shocked! And appalled! And disappointed!
But I saw it coming. I knew what was on your dirty married mind. Alas, Visiting Attorney, your trolling for ass IS shocking and appalling. Fuck. I just wish you would have asked me.