1973 Average Johnson
I have a vintage 1973 Average Johnson which was manufactured by the Great American Penis (GAP—no affiliation with the similarly-named clothing stores) Corporation. I am able to supply documentation to support the age of this Johnson, though there is no visible JIN (Johnson Identification Number) on the organ itself; so, unfortunately, a CockFax® report will not be available to prospective drivers.
This Johnson has been maintained by a single owner, who has also been its primary driver. There have been three other drivers of this Johnson at various times, all of them within the past five years, and all of them female. (The most recent of these merely took it for a test drive, and although pleased with its performance, she elected not to continue with its use secondary to geographic concerns.) Each of these drivers has also been a passenger at some point, and they all expressed satisfaction in the ride of this Johnson. (Say what you like about women drivers, some of them are actually quite skilled in maneuvering an authentic Johnson, given that chance.) The original ragtop was displaced shortly after production; however, this Johnson can be (and has been) successfully fitted with a number of synthetic covers for protection from the elements as well as ride comfort and a variety of vaginodynamic effects. There are no other cosmetic defects; it is otherwise unmodified and has the typical dimensional variability one would expect from an Average Johnson. It retains its original color: Classic Caucasian Clearcoat. All things considered, this Johnson is actually in near-mint condition.
I am currently seeking to place this Johnson with another driver/passenger, preferably another female. Prior familiarity with this type of equipment is desired but not necessary, as I will be present for any test drives/rides and will be able to provide training and/or feedback, as necessary.
Note: Except for the lack of original cover, this is a stock Johnson and not technically a ‘hot rod’ (though the differences in appearance are minimal) and is therefore inappropriate for speed trials! Regardless, this Johnson has been well maintained is able to faithfully perform on a variety of terrain and under various environmental conditions.
I am able to supply photos of the owner with or without the Johnson for evaluation purposes, as I assume any prospective new driver(s)/rider(s) might wish to know more about the man who has taken care of this classic piece of equipment and how it has been maintained. Photos of the Average Johnson itself may be made available at the owner’s discretion.
Prospective pilots or passengers should submit a description of any prior Johnson experience as well as their attributes which they feel would make them suitable operators of this vehicle. They may also wish to submit samples of qualities they seek in a Johnson owner, because—as previously stated—I will be present for any inspections/tests of this conveyance. (As far as I am aware, no specific license is required to operate this Johnson, though applicants should preferably be of legal age for alcohol consumption; in fact, moderate consumption of adult beverages may have a positive effect on overall performance.) Responses with photos may receive priority. Concerns, general questions, and other inquiries are welcome.
This is in or around Minneapolis.
It’s not ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests, so don’t do it!