Originally Posted: 2003-03-03 4:04pm
About Missed Connections, New Rules and Regulations
Please do not post a missed connection (hereafter referred to as 'MC') if you didnt actually talk to the person. Everyone makes eye contact with several people in one day. This number is multiplied for the attractive ones amongst us.
When people say "things happen for a reason", well that is bullshit, because you saw person X at albertsons on tuesday night, that only means both of you needed groceries at the same time. However, on another note, non-serendipidous occurences often do happen for a reason. For example, if he/she didnt give you their number after a night at a bar, or at this place or that place, its probably because they (1) are dating someone else, (2) didnt really like you that much, (3)Just wanted to have fun. or (4) figured you're the kind of person that would make a post on craigslist anyways.
The express intent of bars, clubs, and esp. gay bars is to meet people. I'm a little tired of seeing posts that say "i saw you at Mickey's" or Rage, or Trunks, or any other gay bar on santa monica blvd. Have you ever driven by these places? I mean, these arent like uptight or inhibited joints. So go on, next time just walk up to the guy in the leather shorts. He wore them so you would.
As for straight bars, which i have more experience with, if you like someone here is what you do (whips out book from 1934)
A. Look at them, dont stare just toss them a glance.
B. wait a little bit, then glance again.
(here is where you will need to be tough on yourself)
C. Dont look at them for awhile. Give them time to notice you, if they dont, its not because you didnt wear your shiny button up shirt or because youre not hooting and hollering with your friends, its because they've already looked and have had enough of what you look like.
D. Find an acceptable replacement for person X, and start at step A.
or for more advanced users:
Go to bars to have a good time with your friends, if you are having a good time and not acting creepy (this goes for both men and women) then if someone is going to notice you, they will. And if all else fails, you still had a good time.
Judicious use of MC is emergency situations only.
Example 1: You met a girl, on the way home from place X a fierce wind came and tossled her number from your gripping fingers and it flew away into the night.
Example 2: You meet a guy at Club X. You drink and dance the night away. At 12AM you go outside and talk. Everything he says makes you happy, or interests you, or makes you laugh. You excuse yourself to go to the bathroom. In the bathroom you slip on the yucky bar bathroom floor and get all sorts of fluids on you. You rush home. When you come back the bar is about to close and hes gone. Make a MC ad.
Example 3: you see someone who is so compelling that you must talk to them, but they are with their grandma, or appear busy. Go up and ask them directions or some other innocent type thing. Then take them aside slightly and tell them that you feel really lame, because you didnt really need directions, or the time, and that they wont believe you but you dont really walk up to strangers very often, but they just looked really nice to you, and you want to know if you can see them again sometime. Make plans to meet somewhere for a drink or something. Dont ask for their number, just make plans. If they meet you, then great, if not, oh well. Asking for a number reminds us all of those girls/guys that wont stop calling us.
9 times out of 10, if someone wanted you to talk to them, they will let you know somehow. And if they do let you know somehow, then go do it. Im sure the awkwardness of responding to or recieving a response from a MC ad is a little hard to take.
I am not angry at MC's, and i'd like to have someone write one about me (hasnt happened yet), but it does seem a little silly when its without any pretense. Lots of people are nice to look at. OFten times you talk to that person and the attraction falls away.