Guard Your Nipple Hair!
I know this Asian guy from work. He’s our marketing manager. His name used to be Tom, but he changed it to Remy last year.
He is very flamboyant. He drives a black M3 that is always spotless. He likes to wear Gucci, Prada, Boss and his favorite, Versace. In his early 30’s, he’s the quintessential bachelor. He’s always going out with these hot Asian women. I hear him on the phone either sweet-talking or arguing with someone every day.
Anyhow, he announced one day, to everyone’s surprise, that he was engaged. I really love her, he said.
In the several months that followed, my coworkers and I got to know his fiancé well. Not because we met them socially outside of work, but because she would show up to our office and wait for him in the lobby. On Thursdays and Fridays, you could bet that she was there in the lobby after work, and I think she met him for lunch everyday.
Knowing Remy, and his natural tendency to look around, I think it was wise for his fiancé to keep her eyes on him, but she just went way overboard with it. She was a beautiful lady. And, from what I could tell, she was highly educated and successful at her job. She just had this thing with insecurity and jealousy. She was constantly afraid that he was going to cheat on her.
On one Friday, Remy came to work in a tight-fitting black T-shirt. That’s nothing out of the ordinary for him, except his T-shirt was a fishnet shirt. It wasn’t wide fishnet like the pantyhose, but it was still a fishnet shirt. Even on a casual Friday, that shirt just didn’t belong in an office. And, of course, we get a call. Our biggest client was in the area and decided to drop by unannounced. And, she’s in the lobby now. While Remy and I are walking toward the lobby to greet her, I notice something sticking out of his shirt.
It’s his damn nipple hair. Like most Asian guys, he didn’t have any chest hair, but he evidently had nipple hair. And this single strand of black hair was sticking out like some pubic hair. And we’re about to meet our biggest client, who’s probably decked out in a formal suit. What do I do, what do I do? I can’t possibly have his nipple hair greet her. No, I can’t. So, I plucked it! I plucked the damn nipple hair! Remy gave me this look that he couldn’t believe what I just did. I told him that I was going to deny everything, and then we greeted our client.
I didn’t think much about it at all after that. On Monday, however, Remy stormed into my office and said:
“Do you know what you’ve done? You know that hair you pulled out? My fiancé found out about it, and she broke up with me!” “Wha…what?! Wait just a minute!”
From the unlikely conversation that ensued in my office that morning, I gathered the following information. Apparently, he used to have three nipple hair thingies on his right nipple. I don’t know why his fiancé keeps a running count of his bodily hair, but she noticed that he was one shy that night. And, she confronted him about it. “What happened to the third nipple hair?” Dumfounded by the question, he said. “Oh, it fell out.” That answer apparently didn’t ring true, and she just flipped out and accused him of cheating on her. Finally, he said, “You want the truth, my supervisor pulled it out at work today!” And, that probably didn’t sound right, either.
They got into the biggest argument yet, and finally, she screamed, “YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME, YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME, YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME, AND IT’S OVER!” She threw the engagement ring at his face and stormed out of his apartment.
“……” I was speechless. I offered to call his fiancé and tell her that I really did pluck his nipple hair, but he declined.
I think they talked a few times after that, but they never recovered.
Of all the things that can break up an engagement, it was his nipple hair. That nipple hair broke up their engagement.