Originally Posted: 2005-01-12 11:26am


I noticed a couple of days ago that I was being host to some ants during all the rain. The poor guys were just trying to keep dry... SO I set out some nice motels for them thinking they'd enjoy that. Hmmm, apparently they enjoyed it so much that while I was at work yesterday (I worked a night shift) they called 1,000,000,000 of their bestest friends. I came home from work at 9 AM to find a closely knit trail about 10 ants wide leading from my kitchen door to the recycling, then by the washing machine, the kitchen sink, across the kitchen, by the fridge, up the fridge, down the fridge, across the kitchen, up the cabinet, into the silverware drawer, out of the silverware drawer, down the cabinet, into the hallway, ALL THE WAY DOWN THE HALLWAY (which is about 100 feet long), into the bathroom, onto my bathroom cabinet, off of the cabinet, under the scale, around the tub, to the toilet, and back out into the hallway, across the kitchen, and out the door again. What I don't get is that there was no food for them anywhere, other than those godforsaken hourly rate motels. I have become a total neat freak lately and my slovenly roommate has been out of town for 3 weeks, so the whole house is immaculate (yes, I checked his bedroom and there is no "food trash," just a Mount Everest of Laundry). I have not used the motel thingies before but surely the point cannot be to bring all the ants in Los Angeles into my house and THEN kill them ("you will see fewer ants in about 1-2 weeks"). And by "fewer" we mean fewer than the population of China, but many, many more than were in your house and drove you to purchase Ant Motels in the first place. Whew. Basically, my house was filled with approximately a gadzillion bazillion trazillion ants... Just what I want to see after a grueling 15 hour overnight spree at work... So I decided Fuck this Motel Shite, I'm going postal. I pulled out a can of Ant Raid and sprayed everything. (I put my dog in the bedroom first to spare her the sight (and potential toxicity) of Mommy Losing Her Shit and spraying Ant Killer everywhere). I had to wash every motherfucking thing in the silverware drawer, which allowed me to notice that I have way too many spoons, and practically no knives. Where did all the knives go? I probably started out with a set of 8 spoons, 8 forks, and 8 knives. Well now I have 3 knives, 8 forks, and 18 spoons. WTF? Where are all these spoons coming from? Also, I had a bunch of those little drink umbrellas bought when I moved to LA last summer in the hopes that I'd have a bunch of girlfriends who like drinks with umbrellas rather than a bunch of guy friends who drink beer. Well, you can't put pink umbrellas in beer and they were all covered in ants so I had to throw them away and now my fancy drink dreams are completely shattered.

this is in or around Echo Park

post id: 55389740

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