best of craigslist > los angeles > Got caught banging waitress! I need furniture..... CHEAP!
Originally Posted: 2004-07-23 3:34pm

Got caught banging waitress! I need furniture..... CHEAP!

So I was banging this waitress from Coco's. Wife found out. Now I need:

Sofa & love seat (or sectional)
dinette set (3 or 4 chairs w/table)
Coffee table/end tables
Working fridge

I let the wife have everything except my testis (I got those back when I signed
the house over to her). Sure, call me a Pussy but I can't screw over my kids
and God knows I can't take care of em like she can. Yes, I got caught cheating
and I'm paying for it. Yes, I'll burn in hell along with all the other men who
enjoy sex more then once a decade. The wife wasn't using my penis, and he was
getting rusty and didn't want to play with me any more. He'd talk to me at
night, his voice was that of Yoda and he was starting to get green from not
being used. I don't know if the waitress was hot, or if it was just that she
was nice and wasn't a bitch. Next thing you know my Johnson was begging me to
try. "No! She'll never go for a guy like me! Shut up" But the Purple Headed
Warrior didn't listen, he kept nagging and nagging until I just tried so he'd
shut up. Next thing I know we're at her place and she's a total nympho.
YEEEEHAAAAAA! Sure, the waitress knew I was married with 3 kids. She didn't
care. Told me not to get attached because this is just convient sex. Like I'd
complain.

Yoda was happy. He wasn't rusty any more. He'd sing in the middle of the day.
He was happy. I was happy. Waitress was happy. Wife was happy because I wasn't
attacking her any more. Yes, I tried the romance and the holding thing for 20
years. It got me nothing! NOTHING!

Three months later the wife decides she wants sex. It was one of those middle
of the night things, I dreamt I was porkin' Beverly DeAngelo (shut up, it's my
dream) and when I open my eyse BAM! IT'S THE WIFE! So we go on, then I blurt
out HER name. Not the wife's, no. That would be too perfect. I blurt out the
waitress' name. ANGIE! OH ANGIE YEAH ANGIE! See, I never listened to my older
brother, just say OH BABY OH BABY OH HUNY that way it never bites you int the
ass. But nooooooooo. I had to use her name.

Did I try to talk my way out of it? I could have said I was thinking about
Angelina Joliet but like a tard I said, "Yea, that's right. I was thinking
about HER!" Then all shit hit the fan. My subconcience wanted it to be over.
Sure I had a nice house with nice stuff. Sure we had "couple" friends. But the
lack of sex, the riots when I'd even dare mention "head" and the constant
bickering and bitching about any little thing made me happy to think it's over.
She was never happy, always bitching and complaining about something. I was
always trying to make her happy. All I wanted was occasional sex and to be
able to take a nice peaceful bowel movement. I'd do anything she wanted, go
where she wanted, opera, plays, art, wine, I did it because I wanted to make
her happy. What did I ask in return? An occasional blow job. Nothing serious,
no gang bang while I watch. No midgets. No sheep. Just occasional oral. And
not 2 seconds either (LICK) "Ok, lets go". No, no, like in the movie. Enjoy it!
Love it! Pretend! But nooooooooo. That's "wrong". Sure I was a professional
Muff Diver, for her it was magical, for me it was wrong.

Yay! It's over. You'd think that Angie the Nympho waitress would still dig me.
Nooooo, that would be good. Once she found out that I got separated/kicked out
she lost interest in me. She was a weirdo that got off on using another womans
man and that sort of thing.

So, you've heard my story. I could give a crap less what you think about me
personally. I need decent furniture cheap. Please send pics and price. I can
have a mover pickup within 24 hours or less if needed. I gave her everything.
Only things I took was my Mitsubishi big screen, my Tempurpedic CalKing mattress
and my remote control.

No, I didn't argue the point. I walked out with a smile. I gave her everything.
I held back nothing. I agreed to live on 1500 per month, let her and the kids
have everything else. I've had more tail being single then when I was married.
Funny, women are complete freaks and even enjoy facials before they're married.
Once they wear the white (LOL) dress their views change.

Oh, also need weekend woman. Must get turned on by fat pathetic small penis
men who enjoy farting.


post id: 37271333

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