Originally Posted: 2004-06-09 12:02am
I want to fuck an extraterrestrial.
No, that's not a typo. I really do desire to fuck an extraterrestrial. I want to have intense sexual intercourse with a non-worldly being--a Casual Encounter of the Third Kind, if you will. (Yes, I know there's a Casual Encounters forum, but it's full of fucking perverts).
So, if any female aliens frequent CL for whatever reason (maybe you're here secretly studying human sociology, for example), then hear me out, because I've put quite a bit of thought into this.
First off, you may be curious as to why the hell I want to have sex with one of your kind in the first place? Well, I've come up with three basic reasons:
1. Your level of intellectual advancement. In order to be visiting Earth, I assume that you come from a highly advanced civilization that is thousands if not millions of years ahead of my own. Your knowledge must surpass that of even the most knowledgeable mortals. You could answer all the questions that have plagued our philosophers and scientists and astronomers for thousands of years. And while we're making passionate love, maybe you could even blurt out the Theory of Everything and The Meaning of Life to me?
2. Your level of spiritual advancement. I also assume that you are highly spiritually advanced beings that are in tune with the vibe of the Universe, or some crap like that, I really have no clue. But I think by being together we could join both our bodies and minds for a truly out-of-this-world spiritual experience.
3. You drive a UFO. Do you realize how cool that is?
Ok, now that we got the why-I-want-to-have-sex-with-you out of the way, let's get another thing out of the way: your physical appearance. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm sure that your highly intellectually and spiritually evolved species is past the physical appearance thing, but I'm still a human being with a nimble human brain and therefore need a certain level of physical attractiveness present in my mate.
However, not having my "Guide to Intergalactic Species" handy, and never having actually had sex with an alien before, I really have no clue which alien species I prefer. I'll tell you what kind of aliens I absolutely don't want though. If you're a "Gray" (yes you little anal-probing bastards), I'm sorry but there's several things wrong with you: Your heads are way too big and disproportionate to your body size, your big black bug-eyes are just freaky, and finally, I don't want your anal probes anywhere near my anus. I'm also going to have to say 'no' if you're an Alien Queen or some other malicious alien species. I'm sorry, but as I mentioned before, the reason I want to have sex with you is to grow as a human being not to lead to the downfall of my own species.
So ideally, I guess that you would closely resemble the females of my own species--preferably the hot ones. You would have nice smooth skin, devoid of scales, feathers, or any other weird stuff like that. The color doesn't really matter, but blue would be pretty cool, like that famous alien opera singer, minus the tentacles on your head, those just make you look silly. Also, having two boobs is fine (I only have two hands after all).
So, my sexy little alien princess, are you out there? Do you even exist? And more importantly, do you want to fuck me as bad as I want to fuck you?
Let's fly away in your UFO, my sweet alien princess. Let's watch the sunset and sunrise from 200 miles above the Earth while we dance in the weightlessness of your spacecraft. Let's stare deep into each other's eyes and feel the spiritual connection of our two beings. Let's exchange oral fluids and mingle our tongues as we ascend further and further into space. Let's... HOLY SHIT, THE MOON! My dear alien princess, fuck moonlit beach-walks, we're FLYING by the FUCKING MOON!
Passing the Moon we ascend further and further into space, you continuing to press your tongue deeper and deeper into my mouth. Actually, that's a little too deep, I can't breathe. Thanks, that's better.
I reach around your back, feeling the perfect contour of your body from top to bottom, looking for the damn zipper on your spacesuit. We pass by Mars, its rusty red wastelands glow with an eerie aura about them. I want to suggest stopping by my earthly buddies Spirit and Opportunity, to give those NASA geeks a good laugh, but alas I am still busy looking for your damn zipper.
Time passes. You reach back ever so gracefully and in one single movement your spacesuit slides to the ground, revealing the pure perfection of your body. I thank god you're not wearing an alien bra, god knows I have enough trouble with the human ones.
I slide my hand towards your breasts. They feel so natural and firm and alive. Maybe that's why your species doesn't wear bras. Or maybe it's just the lack of gravity? I don't know. You tell me to stop contemplating such silly thoughts and to keep licking.
We are fast approaching Jupiter. I move downwards. Jupiter passes by. And then Saturn. We skip Uranus, but we do pass by Neptune. They are truly awe-inspiring sights, or at least that's what I assume since I'm too busy looking for your g-spot. Does your species even have a g-spot my alien princess? And if you do, where the hell is it?
We are picking up speed. Your moans are getting louder and louder. Pluto whizzes by and our solar system quickly disappears into the starry abyss. We are traveling up the spiral arm of the Milky Way. We pass by stars of all sizes and colors: white, red, blue, orange, yellow, dwarfs, giants, pulsars, supernovas. We pass by double and triple and quadruple star systems, we pass by planets as green and blue as the Earth itself, we pass by planets with colors I have never seen before, we pass by nebulae so beautiful and mysterious that I cannot describe them. "Oh Yes!" you exclaim. Your thighs press firmly against my head, you start to shake, you can't breathe, we reach the last vestiges of the Milky Way and start ascending into the heavens as you gasp for air and suddenly explode into a state of bliss more powerful than a thousand suns imploding at once.
Three galaxies later and you start breathing again. I let out a sigh of relief, as I really don't think I could have figured out how to pilot your UFO. We start making love--passionate love. Our bodies join in ecstasy and our minds mend together as if they had never meant to be apart. Time itself ceases to have meaning. We then traveled from galaxy to galaxy, making love in every galaxy and by every star. We made love in tiny newborn galaxies with only a billion stars; we made love in spiral giants with over a trillion. And there were planets everywhere! And they were teeming with life. Life so bizarre and indescribable that it should not exist, it could not exist. Yet it did exist. And there were civilizations, civilizations everywhere! There were civilizations just springing to life and civilizations older than the stars themselves. Some noticed our presence, a few even seemed to know we were coming, yet most were oblivious to the fact that we were fucking right above their skies.
Galaxy after galaxy we visited, from one end of the Universe to the other. 500 billion galaxies we visited in total, seeing sights and experiencing things that do not even exist in dreams. And then further and further into the Universe we ventured. We traveled through wormholes, we dove into black holes. We found ourselves in parallel existences, we found ourselves in multiple times and places at once, we went beyond the Physical, we went beyond Time, we even transcended the Realm of Thought. We peered beyond the atom and into the smallest quantum, we then peered beyond that and saw the building block of all existence. We stood outside existence and saw the Universe as a whole. We created energy out of nothingness, we violated the First Law of Thermodynamics, we even created our own Physical Laws and then broke those as well. We went to the edge of reality and back, we traveled past Infinity and returned, we touched the edge of all-that-is, we merged with the Source, we fucked on the very fingertips of God Himself.
Oh my sweet extraterrestrial princess, where are you? I miss you. When will we finally meet? Have we already met in the past? Have we already met in the future? Is there really a difference? I feel sad that I do not know the answers to these questions. I feel sad that I do not know when we will be together. I feel sad that I am actually posting this on fucking Craigslist.
this is in or around Los Angeles / Earth / Milky Way