best of craigslist > los angeles > Open Letter to: Russian Man Who Translated an entire movie to his wife
Originally Posted: 2004-05-31 11:31pm

Open Letter to: Russian Man Who Translated an entire movie to his wife

An Open letter to the Russian Man Who Translated the entire script of "The Day After Tomorrow" to his Russian Wife during tonight's 7:45 showing at the Grove:

Dear Russian Man Who Translated the entire script of "The Day After Tomorrow" to your Russian Wife,

My fiancee and I wanted to commend you for having the decency and fortitude to translate an entire 2-hour movie, word-for-word, to your wife... who apparently does not speak a word of English and also apparantly does not hear very well. The fact that you would have the stamina to watch an entire movie AND translate every single word to your hard-of-hearing wife is remarkable, and will surely be remembered for years by at least this humble couple.

The fact that you could translate over such loud scenes, like the one where the city of Los Angeles was basically torn to shreds by several tornados, (not to mention the one where New York City was practically destroyed by a rogue tsunami) speaks volumes to your character, your lung capacity, and your vocal chord strength... all of which were in full evidence during the quiter scenes as well, like when the Smart-kid-who-failed-calculus-because-he-was-smarter-than-his-teacher was FINALLY kissing the smart-girl-who-had-never-noticed-the-smart-kid-who-failed-calculus-until-he-saved-her-from-a-giant-rogue-tsunami after he saved her from the aforementioned huge, menacing wave. It is obvious that you are not a lifelong smoker, or at least that you do not have emphesema, because- though most of us sadly could not understand the Russian language- we all were in awe of your vocal clarity and stamina.

We would also like to point out that you appear to handle stressful situations well, like when the guy a few seats down from us turned around and asked if you could "please shut up." Another example that sticks out is when the same guy, a few moments later, actually got out of his seat and repeated himself, this time with his finger only inches from your face and with a few salty modifiers peppering his request. The fact that you did not let this kind of intimidation put an end to your thorough Russian translation only adds to our appreciation of your character and intestinal fortitude.

We also want to commend you for your perfect behavior after the film, when several people who had the luck to sit near you actually said rude things like "thanks for ruining the movie," and "do you ever shut the fuck up?" The fact that you did not lose your composure, and more importantly showed the clarity of judgment NOT to translate these obscentities to your wife, speaks volumes about your infinite kindness and consideration.

So to you, Mr. Russian Man Who Translated the entire script of "The Day After Tomorrow" to your Russian Wife, we want to commend you for a job well done. Cheers!


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