To the Engineer with the '87 Accord
I am the technician that was unfortunate enough to have been dispatched the repair order instructing me to determine exactly why your piece of shit car wouldn't pass a smog check inspection today.
I was so pleased when you walked into my work stall and informed me that you were an engineer and knew everything about everything. Your rudeness, blind arrogance and condescending attitude left not a trace of doubt in my mind that I indeed had been blessed with the presence of perhaps the greatest engineeering mind the world has ever seen.
Your brilliant diagnosis and the subsequent repair attempts performed in your garage with your son's play tools and a very big hammer before bringing your car to me made things so much easier... and oh, no, it was no trouble at all to spend two hours drilling out the exhaust manifold studs that you broke off in the cylinder head... right, it should have only taken me a few minutes...how dare I think that you should pay anything extra to have that done.
You fucking dickwad.
And oh, thank you so much for setting me straight on how emission controls work--how have I ever gotten along these past twenty years as a driveability and emissions mechanic without you? I mean, what a run of luck! All of those cars that ran well and passed the smog test with flying colors after I ONLY THOUGHT I had diagnosed and repaired them correctly...thank God you came along! You Sir, are a true champion of the environment and I salute you.
I also wish to thank you for disputing my diagnosis and recommended repairs after you finally left me alone long enough to do some simple tests to determine that your roachbag '87 Accord had the same failed components that almost every other shitbox roachbag '87 Accord with over two hundred thousand miles on it has...I mean, I LOVED IT when you inferred to the Service Manager that I was incompetent and trying to rip you off. We always appreciate such constructive feedback. Wasn't he nice when he guaranteed my diagnosis and even agreed to let you breathe down my neck as I performed the repairs? I really love that guy.
And then my lucky streak continued! After the repairs, it passed the test! Jesus loves me!! Thank you so much for accusing me of tweaking the test equipment software when you weren't looking...man, I couldn't slip anything past you, could I?
Mr. Engineer, you are a complete fucking idiot that I wouldn't trust to wipe my cat's ass. What kind of engineer are you, anyway? You blew so much ignorant bullshit out of your own ass that I can only assume you design toilet paper dispensers, you fucking moron. You don't have enough common sense to keep your dick out of your zipper.
Finally, I must applaud you for berating our cashier when you paid your bill. I have no idea what management was thinking when they chose to hire a young woman that is attractive, sweet, friendly and helpful. She just loves taking responsibility for things that have absolutely nothing to do with her. I know that's true because I saw the tears of joy in her eyes after you left.
We at ******** Honda sincerely wish to thank you for allowing us to take care of your service needs, and we look forward to seeing you again. In the meantime, go fuck yourself, you piece of shit.
P.S. Your garage door opener no longer works. I opened it and changed the code when you went to the bathroom. Kiss my ass.
this is in or around Pissing in your Trunk