Originally Posted: 2004-05-18 9:21am

Missing The Following Items

  • A Red shirt bearing the words: “Will Buy Drinks For Sex” with “Spring Break 2000” on the back. More for its’ novelty than as a piece of clothing.

  • A mixed cassette tape I made my sophomore year in high school (1995 ½ ) mostly recorded from the radio, complete with overdubs, done by myself. Telling overdubs: during both Lisa Loeb’s “Stay” and Metallica’s “One” I play my electric guitar, not plugged in to any amplifier, to the tune of “Paranoid” By Ozzy Osborne. Towards the end of the tape I inadvertently recorded my Mother asking why it smells like cigarette smoke in my room, and me replying “I dunno” .

  • A special edition McDonald’s cup, made of semi-hard plastic, with The Hamburgalar and a Fry-Guy frolicking in an oddly sexual looking position.

  • Four (4) pictures of my ex-girlfriend naked, taken on a 35mm Vivitar brand camera (not a reputable brand), in various positions. Once used for self-pleasure, then blackmail, and now missed for their nostalgic quality.

  • A 3-piece plastic musical instrument set, including a kazoo, a guitar with plastic strings that all play the same note (b-sharp), and a flute that actually played very nicely. The set was neon colors: orange, yellow and green.

  • 2 postcards, both from Butte, Montana, for obvious reasons.

  • MS. Of a short story written when I was 15, mostly about sex, though seguewaying into something of a accidental stroke of genius involving alcohol’s ability to make one invisible to others as well as its’ time-travel properties.

  • A guide to build a homemade helicopter, purchased through the mail in 1998 for $4.00 and later lost during a move from San Francisco to Los Angeles. At the time I did not have the means or the ambition but am now reconsidering the idea.

  • A pack of chewing gum bearing the brand “Poo”, brought back from Hong Kong by my sister’s then boyfriend Bill, as a gift to me.

  • A letter written to me by first girlfriend (2nd pre-adult pretend girlfriend) which borrowed heavily from “Of Human Bondage” by Somerset Maugham, and Guns N Rose’s “Use Your Illusions I and II”. The letter ended with the words “I luv [sic] you more everything and I always will”. She recently added me on Friendster and, if recovered, am hoping to use it as evidence to prove that her current marriage is a sham.

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