Originally Posted: 2004-03-04 3:36pm

What the hell is wrong with you flaky morons in the For Sale areas?

Recently, I have taken to selling quite a few items of mine at CL, mostly because it's free, easy, and I get to deal with local people instead of retard deadbeat ebay bidders who win a "U.S./Canada BIDDERS ONLY" auction only to say "HURR HAY DO U SHIP TO PRAGUE? I PAY WITH WIRE TRANSFER!!!!"

My first few transactions went through flawlessly. Got rid of a desk, some electronics parts, and a CD rack quickly and without incident.

My past few experiences, however, have been met with less-than-spectacular results.

I listed a few free items. These always get the most responses, mostly from gads of freeloading goobers that like to troll CL for no other reason than they're too lazy and dumb to get a steady job, and like getting handouts. Crack whores on welfare, ahoy!

Of the (literally) dozens of responses I got, to which I replied "My garage is wide open this weekend. Come by and take what you want."

Did anyone show up? Of course not. Even the three people who CONFIRMED they'd show up never came. I sat in front of my garage for 4 hours reading a novel. So, I ended up THROWING AWAY PERFECTLY GOOD FURNITURE because you asshats are too lazy to drive your shitmobile across town to pick it up.

Now, it irritates me more when I receive offers on something I'm selling, and these people making offers apparently have a computer that spontaneously disappears into the Nth dimension, leaving them without internet access, or seem to constantly forget they have an email account. Either way, if you make an offer for an item, CHECK YOUR FUCKING EMAIL, because chances are I HAVE REPLIED TO YOUR OFFER. It's even worse when I respond to an email within 3-5 minutes of receiving it, only to be met with nearly a week of silence before it's returned.

I sure hope this isn't the way you conduct business at your job. I get things done as soon as possible. If you think taking a week or more to return a phone call/email about something YOU SAID YOU "DEFINITELY WANT" is acceptable business behavior, I hope your dick falls off. If you're female, I hope you grow a big, beautiful black cock and it falls off and gets eaten by wolves before you have a chance to enjoy it.

To recap:
- If you ask a question, I answer it, and you are no longer interested, silence is fine.
- If you make a counter-offer, I deny it, and you are no longer interested, silence is fine.
- If you indicate enough interest to request additional pictures, and I go out of the way to provide them to you, at least acknowledge it, you thankless sack of balls.
- If you make a counter-offer, and I accept it, COME PICK UP YOUR ITEM, SHITBAG.
- If you outright say "I will take this item for your asking price" then that means YOU WILL TAKE THE FUCKING ITEM SO COME PICK IT UP. I don't care if in your country it means "I am interested and will contact you within eight to ten years," that is NOT HOW WE DO BUSINESS. Don't make me brush off other potential buyers because I think it's sold to your sorry ass.

Also, when responding to a Craigslist ad, do a favor for me, yourself, and everyone around you and WRITE A COHERENT EMAIL.

This means sending a cryptic message with the text "i liek it plz can u do $5 lolz k" will make me think that the short bus is suddenly offering wireless internet, and I will probably send you a confused reply (which is a waste of time since I know I won't get anything back). Also, girls, PLEASE refrain from sending overly formatted abominations of email with text in fifteen different colors and flashing icons and twenty bazillion animated icons. It's really annoying and makes me think you need a good cock-slapping. Quit it.

I could go on, but I feel this message is in vain because all the people I'm addressing are probably long distracted by some shiny thing they found on the floor. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. If you know someone who does this shit, please kick them in the crouch. kthxbye

post id: 25723690

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