21 People I hate
21 People I Hate:
1)Gary, the Location manager who offered me ajob, then “went with someone else.” . May he rot in the flames of hell and, at least, have the decency to save me a seat by the fire, if you can’t seem to save the job you offered me.
2)People who buy huge SUV’s, get 4 wheel drive, and then slow down to a creep when entering into parking lots, lest the small incline cause them to bottom out.
3)Any gas station that doesn’t let you pay at the pump. Double demerit if you get blue balled into pulling in, only to find out, in an incoherent, grammatically slaughtered note on the pump informing you that you have to go inside anyway because it is out of order.
4)My roommate's cat for torturing me with 2 years of vomit, hissing and the occasional dermatologic abrasion. May you rot in hell with Gary. Or may Gary have to live with you.
5)Ah-nohhld. That misogynistic ego fucker. How can someone so stupid be so successful. I am nauseated.
6)Anyone who votes for Ah-nold. If you want a fucking circus, call Barnum. Is there anyone out there that actually, um, wants a governor?
7)Bob, the sound man on set. You are not 25, not good looking , and likely never were, and the fact that you give me shit for rooting for the Red Sox when you root for the Yankees is obscene. That’s like rooting for Disneyland, and taking some perverse pride in it; and it makes me hate you all the more. Can a 70 year old man die of SIDS? If so, you’re a prime candidate. If you were awake for more than five minutes at a time at work, you might realize what an unmitigated ass you are.
8)People who make me out to be some overtly racist bigot because i don’t like to be sexually harassed by mexicans. “Oh, it’s part of their culture...” Yeah, well, maybe it’s part of my culture to hold them down and shit on their heads.. Where’s your tolerance now, you fascist dogmatic, unthinking pinko fucks.
9)Anyone who has uttered the phrase “The Fucking Liberals.” Do you really think that the Republicans are *any* better? C’mon! Spend a little less time blaming the left wing for ruining the country and a little more worrying about the fact that you voted for a man who thinks that “Mexican” is a language.
10)Any man that has ever had pre marital sex and has ever voted for a Pro Life Candidate. Lacking Shakespeare's gift for words, I can’t begin to describe the severe retardation and short sighted-ness you embody. In short: stick in in a snow bank, you hypocritical fucking wife beater faggot.
11)Anyone who tells me that I have to “get over it.” Fuck you. I’ll wallow all I goddamn like, thank you very much.
12)My high school softball coach, for making me think I sucked, when really you were just a repressed humorless lesbian bitch who, randomly, married a man. Whatever. You don’t fool me.
13)Humorless lesbian bitches in general, who care more about fighting for your right to have sex with women than you do about actually having sex with women. Lighten up. Go get laid.
14)People who say I have an accent. I’m fuckin’ bullshit at you retahhds. I do nohht!
15)The Yankees, George Steinbrener, and Yankees fans (especially the fair-weather California kind who know *nothing* about baseball and think that Dodgers- Giants is a comparable rivalry. Eh Mah Gahd. Puh- leeze.) And all the damn foreigners that keep buying their shit. And ESPN for amounting a massive dry cleaning bill from all the dirt on their knees from sucking Jeter’s dick. (Notable exception to Peter Gammons.You rock and, if you weren’t so damn old, I’d *almost* have sex with you for free. Speech impediment and all.)
16)Anyone who is in love and happy. Screw you.
17)Joe Morgan, of ESPN. God, stop repeating yourself. And the baserunner was not “in peril.” “In peril” is a term reserved for Judith Light in Lifetime movies. So unless the baserunner was being stalked by her recently released ex-husband, who molested their daughter, he is not “in peril.” Please.
18)Every guy who is, at this moment, not calling me back.
19)The happy newlywed’s holding their baby shower at Burbank bar and Grill on Saturday, who compromised my enjoyment of a Red Sox Rally with a foul stench of baby-poo and toddler vomit. It’s a bar, people. I came here to drink, not to rest my beer upon your “Changing Station.”
20)My Landlord, who left me without heat for 11 months. Slumlord fuck.
21)The annoying neighbor who revs his engine for hours in the early part of the morning, and tries to talk, mostly incoherently, to anyone who will listen, while amassing an alarming amount of junk in the flatbeds of the eight cars he clogs up the streets with. Fuck you, Sanford and Son.