I was unintentionally stalking you in the frozen food aisle at 10:00 p.m. last night at Albertsons - the one by CostCo and In-N-Out. You couldn't seem to locate the flavor of ice cream you wanted, and I stood maybe two feet behind you, watching your ass wiggle around as you dug deep inside of that freezer, letting all the cool smoky air waft out. I kind of wanted to pinch your rump, but I thought that'd be a bit lame, so I decided to forego the pinch and respect you, cute random stranger-man.
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When you realized I was right behind you, you sheepishly grinned and said, "Couldn't find what I was looking for," and walked away. I wanted to say, "YEah, that's cuz Ben and Jerry are sellouts and the good flavors don't exist anymore," but instead I just giggled like a stupidhead and grabbed some NY SuperFudge Chunk, threw it in my basket, crushing my tofu, and scooted to the nearest checkout line.
Suddenly, you appeared behind me. About the same time I realized you were in line behind me, I realized that there was something wet underneath my flip flops. Ick. Someone had spilled something on the floor and now I was slippin and a-slidin'. While I realized that this could be quite adventageous (I could use it as an excuse to grab onto you and feign helpless-weak-woah's me stuff), I was sidetracked and grossed out when the woman in front of me indicated that her dog might've peed there.
You made some helpful comments about how it probably was simply water and harmless enough, and when I looked at you with gratitude, I couldn't help noticing you had the cutest and brightest smile ever. I wanted to bag you up with my romano cheese and spicy V8 and take you home with me.
A man like you has got to be spoken for. But if you ever do see this, know that you entertained a random chick doing her grocery shopping on a Thurs evening. I thought you were adorable and if given the chance, I'd spoon feed you Chunky Monkey whenever you wanted it.