Originally Posted: 2003-05-27 6:41pm

Daisy Dukes in Traders Joes --- Rockin Ass!

Wow. Normally I don’t make connections in grocery stores. But today was different. Me and you at the hard liquor isle. You were grabbing for the Tequila in the blue bottle I was mulling over the vodkas. You had a purple T-shirt with the sleeves cut off. I could see you wearing a purple bra. (Not that I was staring, I accidentally caught a glimpse). You also wore some bright white Daisy Dukes. I could actually see the cleft of your rockin ass! Did you see me? I was the fat, bald guy in the Lakers jersey. I had on sweat pants. I was going to the gym.

I can’t believe you’re a Tequila drinker. I would love to do a body shot off you, just like in that show Elimidate? Do you watch that show? I watch it every night. I tape it too. I have favorite episodes. I would love to be on it. I would love for you to be on it with me. I would elimidate all the other chicks but you.

I’m glad you got the smaller bottle. If you would have bought the big one, I’d been turned off that you might have a drinking problem. Did you see how much I spent on my Vodka? Twenty three bucks. When I like something, I don’t mind paying the extra to get something I like. And I like Grey Goose.

Did you see all the beers they have at Trader Joes? I followed you down the isle hoping you’d pick one. I was thinking about all the cool pick up lines I could use. “You want any pizza with that beer? Cause I got pizza at my place.” But I remember how much carbs are in beer. To keep that rockin’ ass of yours, I bet you don’t eat many carbs.

I grabbed some of that Chocolate Ale. I love chocolate, and I love beer. I can’t wait to open up a bottle to see what it tastes like.

When you were grabbing the salsa, I knew you were spicy. You grabbed the Medium. I grabbed the mild. Did you hear what I said to you? I said “that stuff makes me sweat”. I was actually sweating when I said it. I grabbed the blue corn chips and the regular white ones. Trader Joes doesn’t mind if I eat while I shop. Plus the blue corn chips are pretty good for you. All this running around gave me an appetite. And I was preparing for a big work out.

Frozen foods. I knew you were a fish lady. Did you see the Ahi Tuna? A great price. Ahi is low in fat and high in protein. I’m surprise you grabbed the calamari. I only get the calamari if it is deep fried. Do you deep fry it? I was going to ask you. But I was distracted by that peanut butter display they had up. I opened up a jar, the chunky is really good. I used the last of my blue corn chips to eat the peanut butter with. You were at the dairy section before I could get a new bag of chips.

You like eggs too? I love them. I love them fried. I love them boiled. I love them poached. When I start my routine I’m going to drink them raw, like in Rocky. Rocky looked the best in Rocky 3, when he fights the Russian guy. Number four he looks kinda old. He doesn’t take his shirt off that much in that one.

Did you try some of that cheese? I offered a piece to you, but you didn’t respond. You should have tried mine before you bought it. Sometimes it isn’t the best. You lucked out though. I opened up my package and broke off a piece. It practically melted in my mouth. It was delicious.

You didn’t get any milk? Why? Wouldn’t you like a glass of milk with that cheese? I drank some of that whole milk that I picked up. Eating that peanut butter made me thirsty. What did you get down the other frozen food isle? I saw you pick up some frozen peas for 99 cents. I’m not into vegetables. Unless they are tempura. I’m got an international pallet.

Did you see, that I took the last of the rib eye? I got all six pounds. I hope no one else wanted any. When you were leaning over to get that ground turkey I accidentally saw your bra again. You must be a C cup. Now, I’m not a breast man, but I do like be able to grab a handful of tit when I am making love. You’ve got a handful. You’ve also got a rockin ass.

You also got the boneless-skinless chicken breast. What’s up? The skin is the best part. Have you ever had KFC? They have the best skin. I wish I could just order the fried chicken skin. Hey KFC if you are listening BOX UP AND SELL FRIED CHICKEN SKIN!!!

You like sushi? I’ve heard TJs has great sushi. I couldn’t wait to get to my car, I opened up my California rolls right there. Who ever told me Trader Joes had good sushi wasn’t pulling my leg. I ate that shit up in a minute. I also had a package of that Spicy Tuna Roll. It wasn’t that good, but I was so hungry it was either eating that or opening up another jar of peanut butter. I can’t believe I finished a whole jar in there already!

You grabbed a salad. I knew you were on a diet. I haven’t had a salad for ages. But with my new work out plan, I’m going to start going to get the Chef Salad at Bakers Square, or IHOP. I love IHOP. They give you three different kinds of syrup. I went there after Trader Joes.

When you grabbed that salad, you bent over at the waist. Your shorts got really tight around your rockin’ ass! I couldn’t help but think, “I’d love to toss that salad”. I started sweating right there. Luckily I could wipe off my head with that empty bag of Blue Corn chips I had been toting around for the last 10 minutes.

I got in line behind you. I was going to talk to you, but just as I opened my mouth I remember that I didn’t get any pistachios. I love them pistachios at TJs. They are so good. Make sure you get the salted though.

So like a lightning bolt you were out of there. If you read this. Send me an email. I’d like to take you to Todai. That’s my favorite sushi place. All you can eat!

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