Originally Posted: 2003-05-16 9:14pm
An Open Letter to All Hot, Dateless Chicks...
Wow, I didn't realize there were so many hot, dateless girls in this town. I've counted, well, about three on craigslist alone. There HAVE to be hot, dateless chicks who haven't even HEARD of craigslist. C-C-C-Crazy! I think, maybe, it depends on what you are looking for. Maybe the hot guys you hot girls are smiling at are already taken. That would shoot the whole theory to shit though, because if these hot girls are not taken then neither are the hot guys, because we all know hot people stick together.
Here's what I REALLY feel -- either you aren't hot (something you'll have to come to terms with at some point) or you are oblivious to when men are actually hitting on you. When a guys says, "Call me sometime," that (at least in my case) is because I WANT to ask you straight out, but if I did that it would put myself in a position to be very unsubtley (I don't think that's a word) rejected. I'm an actor, I get rejected ALL DAY LONG -- don't expect me to do it on my down time, too. Thus I can say call me sometime and (assuming this happened at a bar) go home, masturbate and pass out. I'll wake up, vaguely remember talking to you but not have to really feel the ego-sting of a "No." I'll just assume you lost my number or were hit by a bus. More likely I'll think, "That bitch. I gave her my number!" At which point I'll get pissed off at the female population in general for expecting guys to put forth all of the effort and always be the ones to put themselves out there for rejection. Y'all just get to sit back and let us come to you. I went up to a girl at a bar in NYC one time and said, "Hi, my name is Brian," and she said, "Hi. I'm ... leaving soon." I'm not a model or anything (neither, I must point out, was she), but I'm decent enough and smart and funny and THIS is how I was reacted to. This is probably my most extreme example, but how would you hot, dateless girls react if that was the potential outcome you faced each and every time you went and talked to a guy? Anyway, if this is the kind of reaction I get from a rather ordinary girl, the chances of me approaching some really hot girl at a bar or on the street are pretty slim. Where have all the good men gone? They're inside playing video games on a Friday night.
This was supposed to be a funny, sarcastic little message, but I twisted it into a black hole of bitterness. Sorry. Back to the subject at hand. If any of you hot, dateless chicks are looking for practice, I'd be a wonderful person to practice your asking out skills on. I'd like to get laid again in my lifetime.