Originally Posted: 2003-04-28 3:15pm
Open letter to the "g's" who broke into my car
I know it's cool and all to smash a window and rummage through a car that, let's face it, isn't quite a luxary car (unless a 1989 celica has changed classes). However, I can't help but wonder why you didn't just use a slim jim. I know, I know... as you imagine trying to stuff a greasy beef stick in my driver's side window, let me educate you, much like how 20/20 will teach you how commit credit card fraud and identity theft in the interest of public safety. A slim Jim is a thin piece of metal with a hook on the end you insert into the lip of the window down into the door of the car. With a swift movement and a slight pull, you can unlock any car worth less than $10,000.
Being a former thief myself, I can appreciate quality craftsmanship. And we all know in our theiving circles nothing says amateur like a lead pipe with a towel wrapped around it. The least you could do is hone your skills and invest 4 god damn dollars in a slim jim.
True, you may have come away from the theft with a stereo and amp. However, The stereo doesn't work. It did before you cut away at the dash to get to it. Unfortunately, you ruined it because you are terminally retarded.
I have tried not to stereotype you, but to no avail. The area I live in combined with your shotty work allow me to arrive at one conclusion. You are an idiot savant, without the savant.
While you sell my amp and ruined stereo to some lame kid at your continuation school and use the cash to buy some crystal meth and that "Thug Life" tattoo you've been eyeing. I will take comfort in knowing your dim-witted nature will only get you caught. And as you take your first steps into LA County jail, you'll find the crowd doesn't take kindly to the newcomer. They will kick your ass and take your shoes. They will make you cry.
I only tell you this because I care. You are obviously to thick to figure this one out on your own.
So, my advice to you, g, is to grab your babymomma and head downtown to pick up a damn slim jim (remember, NOT the beefy, spicy snack), or the only missed connection here will be a baseball bat and your head if you ever try to fuck with my car again.