Then why have you not yet done anything about the fact that THE FLOOR IS LAVA. YOU CAN'T TOUCH IT OR YOU'LL DIE!
For the low cost of $25 you can spare your family from this terrible fate. We are offering a floor-lava proof island to provide shelter and safety. It has been know to protect up to 4 people simultaneously but may hold even more in a dire emergency.
That's only $6.25 per person to SAVE THEM FROM THE LAVA COVERING THE FLOOR!
As a FREE bonus we'll throw in four soft, comfortable, throwable (and most importantly LAVAPROOF) stepping stones, allowing for the mobility to reach safe areas of the floor. These may provide YOUR ONLY CHANCE OF RESCUE.
So please, for the love of your family -- especially your children -- act now. Don't let this simple solution to a deadly and common problem slip away.
(It also functions as a couch.)
Location: Kansas City, KS
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests