Yoda the Toyota
*Read in the mighty, stoic voice of one who has conquered lands and stolen hearts*
From the mighty forges of Japan, this behemoth of a sports car was once hailed as a 'Ferrari killer' (presumably, if you crash into one, this still holds true). Styled lovingly after a folded origami structure, mortal beings stand in awe at its merest sight, swoon uncontrollably at its sonorous roar, and faint at the thought of one day sitting in its passenger seat, eyes wide as you heroically blast towards your destination - their heart.
A machine worthy of the gods indeed. Here are some cold hard facts to back that up. Buckle up.
Engine - I'm told it's from a '94 and only has 100,000 miles on it, although I have no evidence to back that up, nor any reason to believe it's true. UPDATE - IT'S TRUE! Confirmed by previous owner. Lovingly installed in years past by a nameless American Hero, this beauty is dripping with DIY charm. Not going to lie, it leaks a little oil, but don't all great things? Would we have made it to the moon if we had been afraid of a little motor oil? Maybe. I've been told that this oil is coming from the oil pan gasket. Not sure when this thing last had an oil change...but that might be a good place to start.
Air Intake - Without a doubt my favorite part of the car. Whoever dropped the engine into this stallion could not for the life of them figure out how to hook it up to the air intake. Solution? Cut a hole in the bodywork and install an air intake. Perfect. What to use under the hood? What's more Kona than a big ass coffee can, the bottom of which has since rusted through? What's more American than Apple Pie and Freedom? Exactly.
5-speed manual - I'm told the clutch was replaced recently. I've also been told that it says gullible on the ceiling over my head. Moral of the story, some people aren't to be trusted. Works fine, and it's sticky enough to roll-start the car. Oh right, you'll be doing that a lot. It becomes second-nature a few weeks in.
Straight Pipes - Someone put straight pipes on Yoda years ago. Now he yodels like a drunken pirate being electrocuted by the very car battery that is currently failing to supply your starter motor with adequate juice. That said, being in this car is a multi-sensory experience, and also an epic adventure.
Star Wars References - Also a survivor of the 1980s, Yoda the Toyota is small, green (lie), was once strong, and will die on you the day you need him most.
Sound System - By some christmas miracle, the poorly-installed CD player works, and cranks music out of the (fittingly ugly) mediocre sound system. Two FM-radio transmitters are in the car somewhere, as are various pens and pencils, some old cds, and possibly a winning lottery ticket.
Bad Guys - As far as I know, there are no mummies, pirates (space or otherwise), vampires, or demons currently living in the car. Two adults up to 6'5 can fit in there comfortably though, inviting many clown car references. Clowns are bad.
Rims and Tires - This car has both. Also included in the price of admission is an entire extra set of wheels and tires, practically brand new (I think)! Yay for small victories!
Hazard Lights - Danger Will Robinson...these aren't working right now. Not quite sure why, but I assume it has to do with the orange extension cords. Currently, one of the only things (...) keeping it from passing inspection.
Will it turn over when it's hot?
Is this the car of your dreams?
Is the registration good?
Do pigs fly? No. Less than a year bad though!
Will it pass inspection?
Ehh...with a little love and tenderness? Probablyish.
Why are you selling such a glorious piece of sex metal?
In a word? Cantaloupe. In a sentence? I'm likely moving off-island in the summer, and, foreseeing overwhelming demand for this beauty, I've decided to start early.