best of craigslist > denver > Just say NO to Bonnie
Originally Posted: 2005-04-22 10:24pm

Just say NO to Bonnie

I am pleading with all of you who use this site to sell things,please, please, please hang up on me if I call you! If I e-mail you to buy your kitchen table, pick up your canary,or take those party favors left over from the Luau you had in '92, please don't e-mail me back!Pick someone else! I don't need your dishes, your area rugs, or your Genuine Gevalia coffee maker(which even I can get for free w/purchase.) I don't need one more kitchen gadget "As Seen on TV". I DO NOT NEED one more blessed thing from Craig's List.What I NEED is a haircut. I NEED a new car.(read: anything that's seen a car lot w/in the last 5 yrs)I NEED to paint my house.(by any chance has anybody got about 80 gallons of neutral exterior latex paint just sitting around?)See what I mean. I NEED MEDICATION!!!! and I need for all of you to just say NO to me if I respond to your post.
I have gone through the steps,admitted I am powerless, etc. etc. It doesn't help. I have not admitted this to another living soul.I just keep coming home with more stuff and stashing it in the garage at night until everybody leaves the next morning. Every week it's "Honey, where'd we get that rug?" "Bonnie, that's a new sofa. Isn't it?" "I don't remember us having a gas grill" To which I just reply, "It was in the garage." God forbid he ever gets up off his duff and actually looks in the garage! I'm DEAD!!
I started innocently enough. I was just browsing for a part-time job. Didn't find one a those.Then I answered a post for a cute little butcher block kitchen piece and got no response from that. I was confused and dejected. Was my money not green enough?That Boulder trust fund baby must have read right through my thinly disguised desperation to just be part of something.Just to pretend I'm one of you cool CLers. I showed her! A mere six months later I have at least one of every and I do mean every blessed thing known to man from here to Bombay. I have scallop shell dishes to serve Oysters Rockefeller.(?) I have a set of lights in the shape of huge Concord grapes that flicker to the tune of 'Hey Macarena'.I have the only artificial Charlie Brown Christmas tree I've ever seen and I knew it was pathetic when I drove all the way to Centennial to look at it even though the table and chairs I originally e-mailed about were already sold. I didn't see the appeal in that darn tree but I bought it because I didn't want to look like I wasn't cool.I have enough camping gear to lease out to a state park.
I used to be kind of pretty a few short months ago. Now I don't sleep much. I get up to check if I've missed any good posts after 10. I sleep with the phone under my pillow in case one of you call back about the Coach purse(barely used)or the box of 'party lite' candles for sale in Erie for only 5 bucks. I have put enough miles on my gas pig of an Expedition to have driven back and forth to Costa Rica.....twice. I have spent enough money in one dollar bills to have wall papered my master bath AND afford a highly skilled divorce attorney, with some to spare for a Spa weekend.I have to face facts. I am a suburban housewife with all the trimmings. I am not cool like I used to be. My brain is stimulated only by the puzzles in the morning paper and the thrill I get when I see one of you has moved and is selling the brand new appliances that came with the custom built home but are just not your taste. Thank you . Oh thank you! But now I have enough excess to fill another house.
So please if I call or mail you with any variation of Bonnie (from Broomfield)ie Bunny or Bambi or Bobbi(with an i) ,please just simply respond with 'Bonnie, is that you?'If there is the slightest hesitation in the responders response you'll do me a huge favor if you ignore the e-mail and/or HANG UP THE PHONE!and don't answer it again for at least 15 minutes. With your help and support, I can beat this thing. And I'm counting on you as the great philanthropic and compassionate people you are, to see me through this till you never hear from me again. Thank you ever so much! Bonnie:}


















































































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