best of craigslist > denver > re:Roommates
Originally Posted: 2005-03-30 1:01pm

re:Roommates

I currently have 4 roommates. The first one snores too loudly, eats all the food in the house, farts, and never replaces the toilet paper roll. He also likes to grab my ass and fondle my boobs when I walk by, which can be annoying. He also likes for me to do his laundry, rub his back, and cook for him. He calls me "honey" and "baby". I sometimes wonder if he has forgotten my name.

The second one wakes up way too damn early, watches cartoons at every available opportunity, dresses like a prostitute, screams when she doesn't get her way, and asks me to check her butt after she poops to make sure she got all the poop and toilet paper out of her crack. If I play music when I have friends over, she embarrases me by taking off all of her clothes and shaking her booty. She gets into my lingerie and wears it, likes to try on my bras, and borrows my jewelry without asking.

The third one goes to bed at 7pm, gets up at 6am, cries when she doesn't get her way, throws tantrums, won't eat anything that I make for her, pees on the floor, picks her nose and wipes it all over the house, insists on getting into my makeup and smearing it everywhere, wears my shoes without asking, and follows me around the house all day. She speaks a garbled language that is sometimes impossible to understand, which makes communication matters within the household somewhat difficult. She also insists that she is constantly being chased by dinosaurs, which only "she" can see. This is problematic when everyone is sleeping soundly only to be awoken at 3am by screeches of "denosor" coming from her bedroom.

The last roommate is a total pig. He pukes on the floor and leaves it there, he pees on shoes and coats left on the floor, he tears apart my furniture with his nails (which he never trims) and leaves his hair all over the house. He also insists that he be stroked whenever I sit down, and has an annoying habit of just laying on me whenever the mood strikes him. He is also known to hit and bite the other 3 roommates whenever the mood strikes him. He is a picky eater and will typically throw up whatever I feed him. He also likes to sing at 4 in the morning. if you touch his hips on accident, he will draw blood with one swipe. He also likes to gnaw on my hair when given the opportunity. (Typically at 2am when I am sound asleep).

Considering that my roommates consist of a husband, a 5 year old daughter, a 2 year old daughter, and a 16 year old cat, I think that you could probably handle a single roommate....even if all they do all day is dry hump the arm of your couch.




post id: 66171309

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