best of craigslist > denver > Dear Roommates: Please Come Back
Originally Posted: 2007-03-28 11:06pm

Dear Roommates: Please Come Back

I know, I know.. when you asked about getting a dog I said if you both were gone in the same week I'd take care of your dog. And then you got a second dog...and had you asked I would have said that was fine too. I thought I could handle it, and ..ready? I was wrong.

I was way wrong. At first it was fun...at first meaning the the first day. And then I thought I'd get smart. First I thought, "I bet I don't need to keep the dog in my room, she can sleep where she wants." Wrong. I woke up to the sound of her tearing through the garbage. She ran off as soon as I entered and I started picking up the garbage--a second later I smelled something that was clearly not garbage. As I discovered the next morning, she at the stick of butter. How the hell she got onto the counter I will never know, but she did.

In case you (or anyone for that matter) ever wonders, butter is evidently a laxative for a dog. So there was--all over the carpet. And when I mean all over the carpet I mean I've can't believe that much feces was excreted from one mammal--do horses shit that much? I dont think so. So for the next 40 MINUTES I use the entire role of paper towels and a hell of a lot of dish soap cleaning up her mess.

The next thing I remember was waking up to her whimpering. I didn't think a dog could whimper that loud--I was wrong. I let her back inside and went back to sleep. Woke up the next morning and bought more paper towels and pet stain remover..another 30 minutes. That's all I thought...1 (large) incident... I can forgive, forget and move past one incident.

Oh I was wrong again.

I was wrong because I thought I had yet another good idea. I should take them to the dog park--like you suggested. But before I do that I should make sure they will "come" to me on command...so I took them out by the trail/fields, brought some hotdogs and let them off the leash. I said come, they ran. And ran. 20 minutes later they came back in sight. One of them came back to me...good boy. The other kept running..bad girl. Another 20 minutes. But I did catch her and I didn't have to give you the "I lost your dog" speech I was preparing--I was thankful for that.

48 hours after the butter incident your dog had still not shit--figuring the pipes were clean I did not sweat it. Wrong again. At least this time it was solid. However, her multiple puking incidents were not solid.

Apparently the other dog caught on..because in the past day he's peed not once but twice on the carpet. The living room carpet is turning into a litter box and I apparently have no control over this. The bottle of pet stain remover I bought is almost gone. I'm no longer fooling anyone-the dogs run this place.. I just clean up their shit.

I feel this is enough. Like the story should end here but it doesn't. This morning--as in 7:45am she broke free from her leash. I hadn't even eaten yet and I chased the bitch for 80 minutes. I'm not really a morning person, and I'm damn well not a "chase a dog around for 80 minutes while I"m hungry, dehydrated and tired kind of person." I briefly considered killing it when I found it..I'm not even joking. But relief set in when I did finally catch her. How the hell does a dog run for that long anyway? I didnt think that was possible. Well...

I didn't think a dog could run for 80 minutes straight--I was wrong.
I didn't think a dog could shit half its weight--I was wrong.
I didn't think a dog could whimper that loud--I was wrong.
I thought they would listen and come to me--I was wrong.
I didn't think the dogs would turn the living room into a litter box--I was wrong.
I thought I could handle this--I was wrong. Please come back.

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