Originally Posted: 2006-03-08 5:53pm
To all the CL newbies:
OK, admit it. You're addicted to the fucking thing. You stay up until three in the morning reading R&R, hitting the reload or refresh key until you can't keep your eyes open. Of course you check out CE because, hey, who can help it? You check out MC because you think that person who smiled at you at the whatever store might post. You peruse Misc Romance because you figure it's the same thing as CE. You look through Stictly Platonic because even that could lead to getting laid or blown or eaten out or whatever your into. You go through every goddamn fucking posting in every catagory, hit refresh and start all over again. You've seen the same 22 year old guy in Boulder or wherever, and his penis, every night since you got on here. The same 19 year old "virgin" who wants to (insert boner or wetness inducing act here) has posted regularly. You know what a troll is. You know what a flamer is. You know that looser means loser, and that people can't spell or use proper grammar and the voices of reason have as much a chance as being heard, as a wet match has illuminating a dark cave. You wish that you could convey your voice inflection, (like that would make a difference) and you realize that because you can't HEAR voice inflection in a CL post, lots of them sound like....like.....legible dementia. You realize there are alot of fucked-up, pathetic, self-righteous, horny, smart-assed, angry, (ad infinitum) people out there. You like Flash Friday and all the other excuses to post naked pictures, you think you can post something that won't get flamed (it will) and you have spent hours thinking about what you would put on your m4w or w4m (and every variation thereof) to make it "different." You visited other boards. You thought you would see lots of tits or cocks in the big cities, you were entirely disappointed in the LA board and can't figure out WHAT the fuck is going on with the NYC board. You visited Witchita, Wyoming and West Virginia and found crickets chirping, sheep baaaing and mines caving in and exploding. You have found hand-wringing, arm-twisting, name-dropping, teeth-gnashing, and bigger piles of horseshit than you ever imagined. You wondered aloud why would they bother having a board in so many backwater places. You probably even looked at the international boards. You figured out what an OP was, in ten minutes and were proud of yourself. Why? Who? What the? and How? are ringing in your head. You have your favorite posters (Cheesypoofs, I love her) and your least favorite posters. You have tried to make a "name" for yourself (no one gives a shit) and you were pretty happy about that one post that started a thread that lasted three days. (who woulda thought?) "How grand the CL paradox!!!", you say to yourself. It's all too much to contemplate. All the posting titles have gone from blue to that wierd shade of brownish-purple, and even you can't stomach another "sex survey" or cock/pussy pic. You know that refresh, reload or (if you have an Apple) the sharp right-hand turn icon won't bring anything new or worth looking at. What to do????
Push yourself away from the computer, eat some food, take a shower, get some sleep and when you wake up make sure you still have a job. Then, gently lift the sleeping cat off of your hot modem, unplug it and return it to your ISP. Check back into the world as we know it and start reading all those books you've been meaning to. Recycle the pile of newspapers you have lying around your place that you haven't cleaned in 10 weeks. Go get some sun or something. Come back in July when it's 100 fucking degrees outside and when you whip right on down to that old familiar bookmark without even looking at it, you will find, sadly, the some old shit. You may now use Craigslist like a normal person. "Hey, jobs! I didn't know they had fucking jobs on here! Free shit too! OMG, where did all this other cool shit come from!" Welcome back to Craigslist! We never knew you were here and didn't care when you were gone!