best of craigslist > chicago > Sex: We Should All Be Getting More
Originally Posted: 2005-08-10 3:16pm

Sex: We Should All Be Getting More

I've been having sex on and off for about 11 years now. It's been fun for the most part. My numbers aren't huge but they're respectable. And the quality of the ladies has been well above average. But in that eleven years, I've come to realize something. We all should be having a lot more sex than we are -- at least most of us should.

Here's the thing. Almost all of us are fairly choosy when it comes to our sexual partners. Girls look for strong, confident, masculine types with wit and charm. Guys look for . . . well, guys look for the hottest thing that will let them into their pants. Often, the amount of hottnes required is inversely related to the length of time since the last sexual encounter and/or the amount of alcohol in his system. Folks, these standards are all wrong. We're selling ourselves short for crying out loud.

Let's be honest with ourselves here people. Any hint of beauty, charm, grace, and wit flies right out the door as soon as the penis enters the vagina -- maybe even before. Have you people looked at your lovers' faces when you're having sex with them? People make the strangest, goofiest, and most outrageous faces when they're in the throws of passion. Eyes role back. Mouths hang open. People squint as if trying to pass a large melon. Even weirder, peoples' bodies do that strange convulsing thing when they climax and their face gets all red. Are you developing the mental picture?

And the things we say . . . oh, the things we say. That person you met at the bar who was charming and witty, and who said all the right things, all of a sudden begins spewing forth profanities that would make a porn star blush -- from the same mouth they kiss their mother with, no less. The wit, charm, and even coherence is all gone and you're left with a shell of a person who has lost the ability to use 95.2% of their brain. And who started this thing where we all talk to God while we're doing it? If our brains were actually engaged during sex, we'd see the irony of calling out to God while we're bending some girl over a chair or telling a guy how nice his cock feels.

Then there's the gawd-awful noises we make. Grunting and groaning as if laying on our death bed. Have you ever thought about the fact that a person having sex will often replicate the sounds you might here from a person recently awoken from major abdominal surgery? Those sounds obliterate any amount of dignity we entered the bedroom with.

Not to mention that, if the sex is good, we end up all sweaty, sticky, and smelly by the end. In fact, the better the sex, the louder, stranger, uglier, wetter, stickier, and less coherent we become. We become the exact opposite of what the other person was looking for in the first place!!

My point here is that all those attributes you are looking for in a sex partner don't amount to a hill of beans once the lights go out and the legs go up. We all become reduced to sweaty, foul-mouthed fools with ridiculous (even ugly) expressions on our faces. And yet we continue to look for the very opposite in a sex partner.

Folks, we are all being much too choosy when it comes having sex. Let's all just step back a moment, realize the error of our ways, and resolve not to limit our sex partners based on such silly and obviously irrelvant criteria. Let's stop discriminating against the ugly and the meek and start having sex. The next time you see someone who looks like they might enjoy having sex with you, I want you to go right up to them and ask them to have sex with you. If they've read my rant, they'll likely smile, say okay, and the next thing you know you'll be swinging from the rafters. If they haven't read my rant . . . well, then you'll likely have to move on.

I don't know about you, but I'm going to start today. Who's with me? Let's go!

post id: 90223378

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