a few words on etiquette
2. once you've decided to hop aboard, you are probably inclined to stand on the escalator to make the ride last as long as possible. for some reason you like to stand on the left. don't.
3. make sure there are at least two steps between you and me. as much as you think i appreciate your face in my ass, how do you know i didn't have taco bell for lunch? beware.
4. talking on a cell phone and riding the escalator at the same time is not complicated for most people, but for you apparently it is so don't do it.
5. in the rare occassion you realize you are going in the wrong direction, do not stop, turnaround, and try to race the escalator down in the opposite direction.
6. as you approach the end of your trip, begin preparations for your final departure. don't pretend like the end is coming to you by surprise and stumble over the threshold of steel gnawing teeth and giggle.
7. as much as you've enjoyed your ride, do not stand at the end of the escalator to contemplate the meaning of your experience. unknown to you is the fact that everyone who you blocked by standing on the left side of the escalator is being thrown at you by the escalator which, by the way, doesn't stop just because you got off.
8. if the escalator is too complicated, try the elevator. you are probably the one who will try to squeeze into the elevator before anyone else steps off. don't do this.
9. be careful which button you hit. you are probably one of those who accidentally hits the wrong button because you are on your cell phone telling the other person on the line that you are getting onto an elevator and they are probably going to get cut off. turn off the phone and concentrate. hit the right button so we don't make any more stops than we have to.
10. if it is just you and me standing in the elevator, do not stand next to me in the corner - stand in the opposite corner from me and don't speak.
11. i don't want to hear the country music you are playing on your ipod - turn down the volume.
12. you know you are carrying a very large bag, so don't swing it at me and act surprised when it hits me and you underestimated the bigness of your bag. saying 'excuse me' doesn't make this better either.
13. and please, hold your flatulence until we are both in well ventilated areas. just because it was silent, doesn't mean i can't figure out who let one rip.
14. when in doubt, take the stairs. you probably need the exercise anyway.