So, I keep reading all of these "missed connections" happening at Starbuck's, so I figured, what the hell, I am going to go get a cup of fucking coffee and maybe I'll just see a girl that I am too much of a pussy to go talk to. So I walked down to the Starbuck's on Webster and Halsted, and had a whole shitload of missed connections.
To the girl in the pink scarf and tan winter bere'. You were so cute sitting there reading your Jane Austen Novel. Sense and Sensibility turns me on. I so badly wanted to ask your name, but better yet, I just wanted to have really kinky anal with you while your dog watched us. How did I know you had a dog you might ask? the cute fluffy picture of that poor animal on that lame as fuck key chain you had sitting on your table. If you see this post, send me an email. I'll bring the beads.
To the "two muffin" girl sitting along the south window. Two muffins? those fuckers are huge! Your appetite was impressive! Something about that just turned me on. I have no real idea why. Maybe its because you were the best looking fat girl I have ever seen. I think I'll get a muffin too. Call me!
To the dude wearing the black frame glasses, long hair and law book. I'm not gay or anything, but for some reason I wanted to man hat your ass. No strings attached. Straight man to straight man gay sex. Over lunch sometime?
Finally, to the 60+ woman standing in front of me. Glasses, white hair, and mustache. I always respect my elders and I so badly wanted to help you across the street. Ever since my grandma died, I just thought about how badly I missed her cooking. Maybe I could help you help me? I'd love to have the same conversation 50 times with you. hopefully you will read this and drop me a line.
this is in or around Chicago
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