Originally Posted: 2005-03-21 1:50pm
vote this best-of and she'll take me back!
that's right. you, the cl community at large, can help me win back the love of my life.
i met her in college. i had the biggest crush on her for two years, and we hung out here and there because we weren't really friends then. then, at the beginning of the summer of 03 we started dating. i have never met someone who is so similar to me, and who understands me at the pit of who i am, and who i love with abandon.
in september 04 she went to boston to get her mfa. she'd been severely depressed for a long time when she finally left. (don't get me wrong, she's always been a little nuts, but so have i, and i think that's why we work so well together...) she dumped me a month later, citing all this stuff that's too complicated to get into, mostly i'm the only one she's ever loved and that terrifies her, she can't be anything but selfish right now because of where her head's at, shit like that. stuff i understand (i was in almost the same situation years ago, when my gf of six years wanted to move to chicago and get married and i had to tell her no) (not that marriage EVER came up with the boston gf, neither of us are ready for that kind of step...).
we kept talking and emailing at least twice or three times a week (with a few exceptions) until january, when i had to call and tell her i couldn't keep up what we were doing, that it hurt too much to constantly wonder where i stood with her. she'd call, months after she dumped me, to tell me she wished she were staying in playing scrabble with me, and that she misses me and thinks about me all the time.
she cried, when last we talked, and kept telling me how much she loves me. i've heard those words many times before but it never meant half as much coming from someone else as it did from her...
i had to play the hardass in january, something i'm used to doing, but i wanted it to be different with her. that's where you fine folks come in. i can't very well call her or drop an email, but i know she reads best-of, at least. and by the time you all help me out and vote this best-of (now would be a great time to do it! it's right up there in the corner!) it'll have been six months since we broke up--enough time, in my book, for her to at least decide if i'm worth coming back to.
and yes, there is a chance this is a pipe-dream of mine, that she's better off without me, and i without her. that she doesn't want me anymore. but i'll never know unless i make one more grand, romantic, seth cohen-like gesture for her. and i have to find out, she's too important to me. she was my best friend.
so please. vote this best of, so KT (CDB?) can see it. so she can know i think about her every day, that i will always, always be deeply in love with her, and that my life without her is hollow and cold.
this is in or around by the el tracks