best of craigslist > chicago > RANT: Dick Size... a poll
Originally Posted: 2005-01-08 5:11am

RANT: Dick Size... a poll

Alright, it has been 23 hours and twelve minutes or so since the last guy asked "is my dick too big or too small?" This is usually followed with some strange comments from the penis gallery. To go another 24 hours without it, I have submitted the following. I call it

"RE: How big should my dick be"

On with the show...

HIM: "Is my dick... blah blah... because I'm not sure... blah blah... tiny... sexy girls... blah blah... What do you think?"

US: "No. Take your cock and compare it to her yummy-box-o'-fun packed nicely between her thighs where you will be working. Does it matter if her labia is spilling out, or tucked in nice and tight, or somewhere in the middle? You may see something that fails to appeal to you as much as others you have seen in life (or in your case the internet) but you will forget in a few seconds when you slip it in and you two make some wild connection. Fuck her until her eyes pop out and she will not remember how big or small it was. If she does the same for you you'll only remember where she had you cum and her labia will no longer be a concern."

HIM: "Are you sure?"

US: "Yes."

HIM: "Are you sure you're sure?"

COCKY SMURF: "Shut up bitchface and die a terrable death."

GEEKY SMURF: "You speled "Terrible" wrong. It is not terable."

RAMROD SMURF: "I hat it when someone korrects someone and they spell something wrong. Eatshit you fucking retarded, monkey cunt-lipped, donkey eating, asparagus farmer!"

CLUELESS SMURF: "I haven't read the first logical response or the first sarcastic response, so here I go! It doesn't matter as long as you know how to use it. But it looks like you won't be getting any anyways! Good luck!!!"

RACIST SMURF: "Asians have small dicks and niggers have big ones."

US: "Don't stereotype and please end the racism! 1950 is over. Racism is lame and does nothing for America! Please stop!"

BIGOT SMURF: "Fuck you! I hate this country and all the bigots! All you people are a bunch of dipshits who don't give anyonea chance! Did you vote for Nader or something?"

OUT OF TOUCH POLITICAL SMURF: "I am not that guy, but actually, I did vote for Nader. blah blah blah... read this link... bah blah blah... trouble in.... and that is why... republican... dems... blah blah blah"

LOST SMURF: "Is my labia too fat? Is that what you're saying?"

GUY SMURF: "No, you're labia is not too fat. Someone was just trying to make a point. A womans labia is a beautiful creation and there is nothing more sacred to a man than discovering his womans folds as he caresses it with his tongue. Can we fuck now? Take a look at my cock and decide"

MENSA WANNABE SMURF: "If you know anything about cocks and politics, then you know Nader would have won if he whipped his cock out. Blah blah blah blah.... facts.... blah.... strange connection between Naders cock, Murphy Brown, and aluminum siding.... blah blah blah.... I am absolutely serious about this and if you disagree I will email you a hundred times from my work email."

GIRLY SMURF: "Guy smurf is creeping me out! Make him stop trying to touch me. And someone take his cock picture out of my email."

FUCKHEAD SMURF: "SLUTS! YOU ARE ALL SLUTS! AND I HOPE YOUR PUSSY SLIPS OUT ON THE FLOOR WHEN YOU GIVE BIRTH TO YOUR FISRTBORN YOU FUCKING LOSER! I HATE WHORES!!!! I CAN"T GET LADE!!!!! I AM STUPID!!!! Aaaaaaaaarrrrrgh boobs!"

HELPFUL SMURF: "Your cock is just fine. I have a cock.... me me me ME me ME.... I... ME... You... me me... perfect... one time.... the only time in my life.... sex.... OMG!..... don't tell my mom!.... Trust me... You're cock is ok"

ODD SMURF: "Lets have a sqaure dance"

POLITICAL SMURF: "I'm not sure how it happened but we need to get back to politics... blah blah blah... Ohio... blah blah blah.... Name of a politician no one has ever heard of.... blah blah... nihilist."

RACIST SMURF: "Spic! Crackers! Porch monkeys and yard apes! Towel head! Frogs! Irish drunkards! Good for nothing! I hate you! I hate myself more! Someone please give me a hug! I don't want to be like this! Honkey! More jews should have died! Japs! FUCK ME!"

HIM: "Are you sure my cock is ok?"


And so there it is! Now we can have another 24 hours without this scenario!!!


Cool Mike
Captain, leader, and founder of the Do-Gooders




oh... I said this would be a poll... here it is:
Who do you identify with from the group?
(Or did I leave you out?)
READER: " "




this is in or around Pun wasn't intended... but now that I see it!

post id: 54875563

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