best of craigslist > chicago > Thank you for yet another 6 gallon bucket of popcorn
Originally Posted: 2004-12-16 9:22am

Thank you for yet another 6 gallon bucket of popcorn

Dear Boss,

Thank you for yet another 6 gallon bucket of popcorn. By now, receiving this large metal tub of Christmas joy from you has become a staple of my yearly holiday expectations. How many years in a row has it been now that you have faithfully carried out this heart-warming thoughtfulness? If memory serves me right it has been SIX YEARS IN A ROW that I have had the pleasure of self-consciously carrying this large tin of your Christmas spirit home with me. Surely that look I receive from fellow purple line riders is one of sheer envy, wishing they too could be carrying something of this magnitude and meaningfulness home with them on their rush hour train commute. After eating these six tubs of popcorn, a fa-la-la joyous 36 gallons worth, I use these mammoth bins to decorate my increasingly small living quarters. After year four I was able to replace my aging bed frame with four shiny popcorn bins. And after I finish this incredibly delicious SIXTH CAN of your maize-based affection, I can finally replace that old Ikea television stand with the remaining two tins! FA-LA-LA!!

You no doubt will be unseasonably joyous to know that guests visiting my humble abode inevitably notice the sappy happy Christmas scenes shellacked on the large metal drums strewn about the place. With the best of intentions, and in the event I would like to add to my growing collection, several of my friends have been quite eager to inform me that WalMart is apparently selling these very same popcorn-containing works of art for upwards of $3.99 each, in a wide assortment of colors and emotionally dizzying images.

So when the slight buzz kicks in from sipping the authentic Japanese wine I gave you as a present, please think warmly of me as you contemplate what you will get me next year for Christmas. I, of course, will undoubtedly be thinking of you as I cram fistfuls of popcorn into my tear-stained face.

Fa-La-La


this is in or around Ghost of Christmas Future

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