Originally Posted: 2004-08-16 5:20pm
My foot - your ass missed connections
Being a humanitarian and a friend to all cats, I often let my cat Fredrico outside to do, well, whatever cats do outdoors. Crap in the neighbor’s garden, fornicate, frolic, etc etc. It's 3 am, The bars let out, and I'm now out trying to save my cat’s ass from another kicking. I saw you kick Fredrico last month and if it wasn't for my broken toe, I'd would have run you down and broken another toe off in your ass!
Fredrico is a loving cat and being he's slightly over weight (25 lbs or so), he is not prone to getting out of the way of soccer hooligan style shenanigans. I've thought deeply about how to prevent poor Fredrico's ass from another booting, and that would be to keep him indoors all the time. This will not do; Fredrico needs his exercise. I’ve thought about get him a tread mill and possible send him on a couple of vacations a year, He loves to climbing and believe it or not Fredrico takes to the water like an otter. However, given our financial situation, right now those options are not available. Fredrico is on disability and I'm the only one bringing home a check these days, damn economy.
Now, this leaves me no alternative. To all of you who have not kicked Fredrico's ass, but given the opportunity couldn't resist a puss on boots escapade; please take note. I will be baiting the Wicker Park & Bucktown neighborhoods with Paper Mache look a likes of Fredrico, however, these look a likes will be filled with scrap metal. Please refrain from kicking my decoys, unless you like Musac, emergency rooms, and needles.
And if by chance I get to you before you get off into a cab, ambulance, or whatever; be prepared to answer to an angry Fredrico.
Fredrico is now on a diet and has been working out since this unpleasant incident. I've attached weights to all of his toys and he's been sparing with our neighbor's toy dog. Fredrico's got some moves.... Beware cat kicker, we’re on to you.
Fredrico's Roommate & best buddy.
P.S. Fredrico would also like to add; “ FFFFFFFFFFTTT!!!”
this is in or around Wicker Park