best of craigslist > chicago > The CL Syndrome
Originally Posted: 2004-03-04 1:05am

The CL Syndrome

There are a 1000 reasons it starts. Bored at work, new city, no friends, the end of a good or bad relationship. At first you're not concerned, you know that you can handle CL. It's just for laughs, something to pass the time. Check out RnR every couple of days, saunter over to see the crap people want to sell. Then one day you begin to realize this is no life to live. People that believe every discussion should start with you "fuckin piece of shit"; people that find anything scatological to be wildly entertaining; people that never should have seen the doors to a University complaining about their jobs or wondering why they have none; people who's sense of well being is destroyed every day by not being the first on the El; who find it difficult to live in a world that has Big Macs or Tofu. So you head over to M4W (ladies, I know you are smart enough to reverse the situation). You sift through the ads from the massage women, the escorts (who I can respect), and the girls wanting to whore their way through grad school but don't have a pimp to teach them how to do it properly and the sugar daughters. You become more nervous when you see the ads from the chicks that have a list of needed qualities two paragraphs long. Maybe you even email one or two but you foolishly divulge that you have a serious character flaw such as not wanting to jump in front of a car to save her black Lab and you never hear from her again.

So you think maybe the real world isn't that real and you return to RnR. You're nervous now, no more every couple of days, you read the nutcase who rants about immigration, the guy that needs to tell the whole world weekly that the end of civilization as we know it is imminent because some programmers that do critical things like adjust the rate on our credit cards monthly are losing their jobs to some poor smucks in India. You know you are in trouble so you head over to Platonic Only. You think there is hope because some poor girl fucked up at work and her boyfriend screwed her over. All she wants is to watch a movie and cuddle at your place. Perhaps she is the one to break the syndrome. But upon further reading there will be no fucking (OK), no getting Neeked (what the fuck is that) no talking (?) and she must be extremely attracted to the guy. That’s right guys and girls, no one will be allowed to sit in silence in their own home and console her unless she finds you attractive. Oh well, perhaps the girl that wants to go to a black tie affair will be the one to break the syndrome. But why does she want to go out? Certainly not because she gives a damn about you. Her grandma gave her a mink stole and it would mean a lot to send her a picture. No problem. I'll find some charity event, dust off the tux, defend you from some deranged PETA loonie just so your grandma can pass your photo around Boca Raton. You pass on the girl that NEEDS to go out to dinner because her bf is out of town for a WHOLE week.

Now your convinced you never want to go out again. You head back to RnR. You wait for the weekly baiting of fat chicks. You read every one of the Bush is a fuckin moron - oh ya Dems are gigantic pieces of shit - tributes to our educational system. You yearn for the plaintive quest for the location of the best pizza, burrito, or greasy food du jour.

Finally, you hit rock bottom and you read all the re's. You wait for the guy that says: "hey, won't it be fun to talk about penis size, cut or uncut, do girls EXPECT guys to bathe daily (that one was a classic), the always popular all women are BITCHES, all guys are ASSHOLE wars. You read the posts from the people that couldn't compete in a 3rd grade spelling bee and the people that NEED to show how smart they are by correcting someone's use or lack of use of the possessive.

Finally, you compose posts like this when you have finished a book and don't wish to start a new one this late knowing full well that people will rip you to shreds.

Any ladies care to perform an intervention? But only if you are between 5'6" and 5'7" ,look like a model, think a fun evening is watching me play Nintendo, pay for everything, are not a Trixie, like a cut or uncut cock (I'll lie and hope you don't notice).

I'm a guy so this is from a male perspective. I know you girls have the same type bitches but you pick em not me.

BTW: If you are trying to whore your way through undergrad or grad, I'll be happy to show you how for only 50% of your earnings, a bargain. If you're an escort and want a regular date, diner is on me. I can't imagine anyone that could have more entertaining stories to tell. If you’re a guy, yes women expect you to bathe daily.




post id: 25669462

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