To the drunken girl last night
I wish to emphasize that this doesn't happen to me often.
1. When a guy sits at the end of an uncrowded bar, he is not desperate for conversation. Not that I minded the conversation but I was doing just fine with my 5th drink.
2. Yes, you were very hot. As a matter of fact, you had exactly the kind of body I like.
3. Your thong was very nice (I prefer black but that is nitpicking).
4. I know that I should be eternally gratefull for your offer since I am 20 years older than you.
5. You were actually cute when you said no one turns me down.
6. You were actually ugly when it dawned on you that I was serious and you got pissed.
7. Yes, I like sex. I like it more than you will ever know. Its just as I got older I prefer to get to know someone first. There are three primary reasons for this:
a. Its kinda my little filter so that I don't need to learn to pronounce strange words from the Merck manual.
b. It reduces the need to obtain restraining orders.
c. This may shock you but I'm not very good in bed when I'm drunk. I've also learned that women are extremely tolerant of drunken sex as long as they have a memory of better sex in the past and the expectation of better sex in the future. If the first time is a sloppy drunken exhibition of selfishness often a guy will not get another chance to prove his true worth.
8. When you are in a bar and everyone is calling the guy by his name and referring to you as that drunken chic. It is wise not to throw a temper tantrum. Trust me the bartenders have seen cute drunken girls before.
9. You really should go back and tip them.
10. The lipstick you deliberately put on my white shirt is only a problem for my cleaners.
11. To your friend who was drunk, very cute and not obnoxious if you like older men please email me.
To the rest of the women of the world, I now have a small appreciation of why you don't like to go to bars alone.