female alien seeks earthling male for experiment
DO NOT PANIC.
all is relatively well throughout the universe's multi-dimensional continuum. my arrival on earth is devoid of dire political implications.
posing as an "anonymous citizen" i am able to thoroughly enjoy the good midwestern life. many fun times have been encountered. this planet gets four stars. (yuk yuk "!".)
my traveling companions left on a pilgrimmage to texas. i remained behind because i have cubs fever. (joke "!".) they have been gone a long time. i now find myself in need of friendly stimulation.
reader: if you are the type who can be at ease with other species, perhaps we can form into "pals". i have many tests and procedures yet to carry out on this terrain, and would appreciate a "lab partner".
note: none of aforementioned experimentation involves anal probing. my regrets to those who were hoping.