Originally Posted: 2003-08-29 12:48am
Date: 2003-08-28 12:23:29
Title: (missed connections) l'apologie
OK, OK.... so I messed up, and I'm sorry. Instead of calling you to iterate all of these things and reasons, I would rather display my shortcomings in this rather public and brutal style, so that you may feel vindicated for ever wasting your time on me.
1) I'm sorry that I invested my energy in you and made myself available to you at any time. This includes, but is not limited to the following:
a) blowing off work early so that I could haul ass up to the North Side to hook you up with weed
b) mistaking your friendly intentions for well...friendly intentions and believing that you really wanted me to be your friend, even when you would cancel plans, send me strange and vague e-mails suggesting that I should go and fuck someone else, then e-mail or call again to apologize. I guess this was some sort of loyalty test, and I passed each time, and your ambivalence won me over repeatedly. Nothing more attractive than that.
c) giving myself to you physically without hesitation, even when you asked me to lock my dog up in her crate while we "did the deed". I guess I should have MADE her like and/or trust you more.
d) accepting the fact that all the psychotropic drugs you've done over the years have altered your structure in some way, and that maybe - MAYBE I could help you in some way to find stability and focus
2) I'm sorry that my standard of life didn't match yours. Honesty, forthrightness, personal ethics, you know... stuff you don't find in reading a book, life experiences that form you and guide you into not making the same mistakes twice - I guess those things aren't attractive to you, and I *really* messed that one up. Shame on me!
3) I'm sorry, and I really mean it, that your head's been so messed up by the ghost of a past relationship that you can't get past it before moving on to a whole plethora of women who bear the burden of your demons. I'm sorry for not being the bell captain of your emotional baggage.
4) I'm sorry you disregarded many, and there were many - things I said. It's not that I don't mind repeating myself countless times, because God only knows I LOVE the sound of my own voice and feeling like a broken record. That's my idea of a good time, definitely.
5) I'm sorry that I actually got upset when you would:
a) look at other girls when we were out
b) talk about other girls when we were having sex
c) suggest that "soft drugs like ecstasy" would enhance our sex life. I totally forgot that ecstasy is a soft drug. Kinda like ketamine, right? I was so totally off the mark on that one - I apologize!
d) make assumptions about how I feel.
6) I'm sorry that I tried to keep an open mind about your bisexuality. I should have accepted - again (!!) - that your ambivalence toward both genders as some sort of loyalty test again. I'm sure that there are others out there who are as sorry as I am about this.
7) I'm sorry that I listened, really listened to you when you had an idea, a thought, a story, etc., and encouraged you to expand and expound upon them.
8) I'm sorry that I couldn't be the perfect person for you, as you are so obviously willing to be perfect for "the right girl"
9) I'm sorry that you felt the need to keep a couple of other girls on a rotating schedule. And that although I waited my turn, and expressed genuine care for you, it was shunned for something elusive, a girl that has blown you off. It sucks, doesn't it?
10) I'm sorry that I won't play emotional ping-pong with you anymore. As tempting as it is to be reeled in, only to be shoved back, I just really don't feel the need to torture myself anymore. Sorry 'bout that.
Edit: Oh, and don't think for a second that I'm not aware of your multiple CE postings looking for weed and cash in exchange for sex with both men and women. If I were half the bitch you think I am, I'd post the links here in hopes that some unwitting person will see them and avoid you like the plague.
Edit 2: And I'd bet that YOU are the fucker who had my original post in MC flagged and removed. Better luck next time, fuckwit.