Originally Posted: 2003-08-28 9:55am
Rules Regarding the Treatment of your Single Friends
Sometimes, attached people tend to forget what it's like to be single. In a few rare cases, attached people have never been single and don't know what it's like. Hopefully this guide will pick up where experience has left off and set out a few guidelines regarding some basic etiquette.
1. Do not, under any circumstances, ask your single friend how their love/dating/sex life is. If they had such a life to speak of, you would not only know about it, but you would be tired of hearing Too Much Information all the time.
2. If you invite your single friend out for dinner, drinks, or coffee, do not suggest that they could "bring someone along". Believe me, if they had someone to bring along, they would. Contrary to popular coupled belief, not all single people have a hoard of admirers to choose from at all times.
3. When having dinner parties, do not set out two places for single friends in hope that they'll be bringing a date. Not only will your single friend be embarassed, but your guests will think you are too dumb to count the number of guests at your party.
4. When out with your significant other and single friend, do not spend the entire evening making out and being touchy-feely with your SO. This will leave your single friend to squirm in his/her chair and look around at the surroundings. It's like the sun - you never look directly at it. You have plenty of time without your single friend for foreplay, so save it for later.
5. Never, under any circumstances, should you set up your single friends with your SO's brother's coworker's uncle's dentist. This will surely result in disaster.
6. Do not ask your single friend for a girl's (or guy's) night out and then spend the whole evening talking about how you miss your SO. This will get you dirty looks, and quite possibly a black eye by the end of the night. Your single friend knows they can't live up to how wonderful your SO is, but they don't need to be constantly reminded of that fact.
6a. Along the same lines as above, don't dress like a skank and flirt with guys when you go out with your single friends. You already have someone, so you have lost your flirting-with-random-cute-strangers rights.
7. Last, but certainly not least, don't EVER ask your single friend when they are going to "settle down". Maybe your single friend was never riled up in the first place. Maybe your single friend just doesn't want to live the life of the coupled, the life where a big night is renting a Blockbuster movie and staying up past 10:30pm. Maybe your single friend thinks being a Singleton is fun and is living up. Whatever the reason, don't ask. You will never get an answer.
We hope you have found this guide to be of assistance. If you are unable to follow the simple rules outlined in this guide with regard to the treatment of single friends, don't be surprised if your single friends are remiss in returning your calls and/or invites out.