Originally Posted: 2005-08-28 2:08am
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To the Fugly Fag-Hag
Okay so I met you last night with some of my straight buddies, and you came up to me all drunk begging me to be your "gay friend" because "every girl needs a gay." Ummm I think I talked to you for about 2 minutes at this point. Seriously, what the fuck does that even mean? It's not even like you calling me gay is rude. It's the fact that you want me to round out your friend demographic, not for my personality or anything about me, but just because I'm gay. Would you have the balls to go up to somebody who is black and ask them that? It's offensive. Why do girls feel the need to come up to gay guys and ask this stupid question. Why do I always hear "oh i used to have a gay friend in college so will you be my 'gay friend' now?" That or "oh you're so cute" or "honey" or "sweetie" like i'm a little dog or something. Seriously stop. I'm not small and furry and i don't fit in your purse, so don't talk to me like that. I have a lot of "fag-hag" type friends but I also have a lot of guy friends that I like to go to Red Sox games with and hell, even Foxy Lady. I'm friends with these people because they like me for reasons other than my sexuality, and the majority of our conversations don't revolve around it. Gasp, I actually don't sport glitter and half-shirts, and I don't like to spend all day at the mall shopping with you and giving you boy advice! Sorry to disappoint you. I guess I'm just a "bad gay."
Oh and to answer your question, you eye-sore girl from last night, no, I won't be your friend. If you wanna play stereotypes and assume that all homos are a trendy accessory because we're somehow inherently hipper or more cosmopolitan or whatever, then how's this for a stereotypically shallow gay comment: Seriously you're gross. You wear braces and you have a speech impediment, and I'm sorry, but I can't hang out with a size 14(I'm being generous) with an A cup (Again, generous). God apparently hates you to curse you with looks that can burn holes in one's retinas upon direct eye contact or cause instant vomiting. Secondly, I'm afraid I've already filled my "verbally-challenged-narrow-minded-fat-girl" quota in my friendship cirle. However, if a space opens, I'll be sure to give you a moo. I'm not sure what's uglier: you or your stereotypical remarks.
So to you, girl from last night or "Girl-who-gets-less-dick-than-me-and-must-compensate-for-mens'-disinterest-by-having-a-man-albeit-a-platonic-one-in-her-life," next time you see one of "us", maybe try chatting it up first. Maybe ask something else aside from "oooh honey how much do you love my dress?" No, I don't like your tarp and I really don't care what you're wearing. Although you suck, thanks for confirming my homosexuality!