to my ex and his impending lack of sex
it's not that you're not a sweet guy. i mean, sure, every girl secretly wants a sweet guy at some point in life. but i swear to god, you're like a damn labrador retriever - halfway to braindead.
so here's a tip for the future.
wash the hand, not the glove.
this is what i don't get, and maybe the guys out there will help me out on this... we go at it and post, you head for the bathroom. all well and good. you return a second time to make sure that you've flushed the toilet and put the seat down. good boy! seems like some of the training's gotten through, you know? getting considerate, perhaps there's hope yet!
you leave, i hop up to take care of stuff before sleep, and my roommate greets me.
"there's a condom on the sink."
now. think of it this way. there are two trash cans with liners on the way to said sink. there is a trash can under said sink. there is a trash can next to the BED. you've gone back to the bathroom TWICE to flush the toilet and put the seat down. and yet, there's a condom laying on the sink. and here's the kicker, YOU WASHED IT OUT, and STILL LEFT IT THERE.
seriously, what were you planning to do? press it in a book? keep it for future use? leave it with the remaining water dripping into the trash can conveniently nearby until it resembled a tapeworm? leave it as a reminder that i like to have fun in bed with a guy i'm seeing, but my roommate should know if and when i do? OH! your justification? "at least it wasn't full."
what the hell. my mind is blown, and not in a good way.
so, i say a silent prayer for your future (lack of) sex life, and a silent prayer for me, because it seems like i've hit the bottom of the barrel.
half of me thinks i should've kept that condom, simply as an homage to the brainless.
as for us?
we're so through.