Originally Posted: 2005-05-31 9:41am
15 Reasons You are a Horrid Roommate.
15. You have the most annoying laugh I have heard in a long, long time. You sound like a dog whose voicebox has been removed having a seizure. If you weren't on the phone 24/7, I wouldn't have to hear it so much and it wouldn't make me wanna smash you in the head.
14. Your fucking stupid sandals leave black smudges ALL over the floor, and you're too lazy to bend down and wipe them off, which takes all of two seconds. I tried leaving them from you, but that resulted in a completely black floor. What the fuck?
13. God damn, could you be any faggier? You told me once that you thought that I was really gay the first time you met me, but apparently you don't look often enough in the mirror, (which will bring me to my next point,) because you are the nelliest queen I have met. Like, EVER.
12. My stuff does not mean OUR stuff. If I have something in a shared area, sure you can use it, but I don't expect to see it show up in your room when you open the door. If this was something small and unnoticible, well, I wouldn't mind so much. But when it's something like a chair or my full-length mirror that was once NAILED TO THE WALL, I will fucking notice!
11. You wear enough cologne that when I have people over, ALL of them start choking when you come out of the bathroom. One of my friends had to LEAVE THE HOUSE because you triggered his asthma with the copious spraying you do.
10. You complain about the house not being warm enough while you nancy about in your faggy gogo shorts and a sleeveless top.
9. That fucking thing you do with the toilet paper. The roll stays ON the holder; it does NOT need to come off! If you take it off, you can at least be considerate enough to put the goddamn thing back on!
8. Your rhyming thing. You think that your little couplets are cute and interesting, but I can tell you that even your own friends look at me and each other funny when you do them. "You're a queen and you're on the scene" is also one of the most unoriginal things that I have heard in my life.
7. You punctuate both things that you think are witty and when you think someone has been told off with a loud, "TUT!" What the fuck is that!? Are you saying it was an insult worthy of King Tut? Oh no, that's right, you're just a damn moron.
6. Does the entire neighborhood need to hear that you are going out? THEN TURN THE DAMN MUSIC DOWN. If I have people over, it's just plain rude to crank the music to the point that we cannot hear each other when we're in the other room and your doors are closed.
5. The kitchen mess. For gods' sakes, if you spill something, clean it up! I have come into the kitchen to see anything from rice all over the counter to blobs of ice cream melting on my wooden kitchen island to little packets of lube left on the damn stove. ON THE STOVE? What the fuck? Are you heating them up for some kinky play?
4. Hands off my porn. That's fucking creepy, and since it lets me know you've been in my room looking through my shit, it makes me REALLY want you dead. The last thing I want are your cum-covered hands on one of my DVDs!
3. My friends don't need to hear about your sexcapades. I mean, really. It's uncouth to ask me if I have anything to numb your ass because you had to penises in it the night before, especially when I have a room full of straight people over. You have no concept of person, place or time, and you should really be slapped around a little bit, only I am afraid that my hand would come back covered in sexual residue.
2. You pooped in the shower. TWICE.
1. You lie about everything, especially your HIV status. Please, I read the date in the corner of the paper you showed me stating that you were negative. It was from NINE MONTHS AGO. People are gonna start finding out soon, and there will be hell to pay for it, I am sure, but you don't take that into consideration. You are just an evil individual. Not to mention the cheating on your boyfriend. You have slept with over 200 men in the three months you have been here, and he doesn't know. You are more of a slut than Blanche Deveroux!