Open letter to Boston drivers
After living here for 8 years I’d say every single driving habit you people can dish out, has rubbed off on me. It’s all about ME now, I don’t give a shit about you and if you’re rushing to visit your dying grandmother in the hospital. I’m on the road and every one of you better get out of my way.
1 - If you’re going to slow in the left lane, you’ll find out quickly, I’ll be tailgating and honking/flashing my lights to let you know. You better be doing at the bear minimum, 10 mph over the limit, if not, move the fuck over. Also, if no one is in front of you, move the fuck over anyway because I’m trying to keep my steady pace of 20-30 mph over.
2 - If I want to get into your lane, trust me, I’ll get into your lane at all costs. If you try to keep me from getting into your lane by tailgating the car in front of you, then I’ll just move up and get in front of the car in front of you. No matter what, I’ll be ahead of you and you’ll be pissed.
3 - If there is a long line of cars for an exit or to make a turn, I’ll be cruising down the adjacent lane waiting for that one person to delay moving forward so I can jump in line. If not, I’ll just go up to the front of the line and cut in at the last second.
4 - I don’t let anyone merge in front of me but expect every one of you to let me merge in front of you. I’ll honk and get pissed off if this does not happen every time I’m on the road.
5 - Any thing you do that makes me step on the brake pedal, I’ll be pissed and have to honk at your ass.
6 - If your car is not at least rolling the moment the light turns green, you’ll get an air horn up your ass.
7 - If you’re on the phone and cut me off or something, you’ll get a “get the fuck off the phone asshole!” out the window, even if I have to put the person I’m talking to on hold.
8 - The right turn only lane is so I can get in front of all your slow asses going straight the moment the light turns green. Same goes for left turn only lanes that don’t have a separate turn arrow signal.
9 - If you pull out in front of me, I’ll wait until the last possible moment to hit the brakes to give you the illusion I’m about to slam full speed into your door. Then I’ll honk and yell obscenities.
10 - Last but not least: God forbid you don’t know where your going, if your rolling along a single lane semi busy 45 mph road at 20 mph looking for a specific street that could be anywhere for the next 10 miles. I'll be honking and flashing my lights at you to pull the fuck over so I can get to my destination before my next birthday. If you don't pull over, or tap your brakes to try to intimidate me, i'll cross over the double yellow and pull in front of you and slam my brakes back at you.
That is all; fuck you all for making me drive like this. I used to be nice and courteous on the road long ago when I lived in a small town in NY. Now I’m a fucking asshole because of you. Thanks, my mom would be proud that I learned from the best.