To all office kitchen thieves
You will now suffer some of my wrath in the following manner:
What do each and every one of you do upon opening a partially emptied half and half from the fridge? Yes, that is right. You smell the inside to see if it is bad. Well I promise you, the next person that does this with mine, it is going to indeed be "bad". You will probably vomit or at least get the mouth droolies and rear jaw tinglies going. You see, today I've placed a 3/4 empty H&H decoy container (with my name on it as always) with a little half and half in it that I left out over 5 days, I've tossed in a little egg salad which has nicely sank and made a lovely little home at the bottom of the carton, and for good measure, before sealing it up tightly, I busted a little ass into the container. Next time you reach for my H&H container and give it the ol 'see if it's fresh sniff test', you will be receiving a lovely bouquet, and in addition, and this really is the best part, particles that came out of my ass in the form of gas will reside inside your lungs. And that, for me, will make up for the months and months of Half and Half thievery!
How ya like me now?
Your Friendly Office Terrorizer