Originally Posted: 2005-02-08 1:33am

Re:RANT: No Condoms?!?!

> I always keep condoms in my night stand. I could care less if a guy thinks
> I'm promiscuous.

Years ago, I was dating a girl who didn't want to have sex. "If I'm not worth waiting for, then you're not worth it." She was hot, though, and I was smitten, so I hung around.

Weeks turned into months, still with no substantial action. We saw each other several times a week. She'd sleep over regularly, in my bed. We'd fool around every now and then (so I was at least able to determine that she didn't have a cock), but never to "completion". I was a gentleman, so I was willing to give her the time she needed.

(For the record, by "gentleman", I mean "guy stupid, young, and naive enough to date a woman for more than one week without getting any".)

It ended when she asked me to help her move into a new apartment. I took my truck over to her place, and helped her pack. When I broke down her bed, lo and behold, the floor underneath it was littered with - nay, awash in - condom wrappers.

"What the fuck is this?"

"Oh... I'll get the trash can."

"Trash can? Forget about the trash can. Who's screwing the girl I'm buying dinner for? And why isn't he here carrying these boxes?"

"It's So-and-so. I told you about him."

"So-and-so? You told me that you saw him a few times, and thought that he was a complete fucking loser. I've never heard you say a nice thing about the guy."

"That's right. I don't think that he's ever going to move out of his mother's house. What's wrong? You and I aren't exclusive, and you've never had a problem with me dating anyone else."

Mind-boggling. "You've refused to have sex with me for the past several months because you 'weren't ready'."


"You met So-and-so, what, two months ago?"


"And you're having, based on the detritus under your bed, substantial amounts of sex with him?"


"And you're asking why I might have a problem with that?"

"Yes. What's wrong? We're not exclusive, I can see whomever I want."

"You're missing the point. I don't have a problem with you having sex with him. You're obviously being careful, good for you, have fun. What I *do* have a problem with is that you're *not* having sex with *me*. You can't play the 'I need time to be ready' card with one guy while playing the fuckbuddy card with another."

"I'm not seeing him any more."

"You're *still* missing the point. For the past several months, I've been operating under the belief that you are a thoughtful individual who is cautious regarding physical relationships due to mistakes you've made in the past. That's what you told me, and that's why I've been so patient with you. Now, I find out - rather abruptly, I might add - that this caution apparently only applies to *me*."

"That's not how it is, really. You and I are close, and you're really nice to me. I like being with you. I don't really like him, it's just a sex thing."

"I know what a fuckbuddy is and, once again, I don't care that you have one. This is all about me. I'm the one buying the dinners, and this lives-with-mom-works-at-the-A&P-makes-you-take-a-cab-to-your-rented-movie-and-microwave-popcorn-date-at-his-house jackass is getting all the action. Does that seem reasonable to you?"

"If I'm not worth waiting for, then..."

"Sure, whatever. The shit that's in my truck will be on the sidewalk in five minutes. Goodbye."

"But who's going to help me mooooovvvvveee????"


After that, I implemented the highly successful two date/$40 rule:

  1. Date One - beverage of her choice with one refill, and an appetizer
  2. Date Two - dinner at any of the finer dining establishments that specialize in flair and excessive wall ornamentation

If I had not ejaculated in, on, or within reasonable proximity to my date by the conclusion of the second date, all requests for subsequent dates were denied. This was not a stated policy, as I was interested in sluts, not whores.

(I'm not using "sluts" pejoratively. I genuinely like girls who aren't all hung up on bullshit like "But I don't really know you", or "There are people everywhere", or "Because she's my cousin, and she's only 15".)

Where were we... oh, promiscuity. Good stuff. Don't ever change.

I'd make a typical lackluster CL attempt to pick you up for myself, but you probably aren't bi, and my SO gets angry when I bring home women that I can't share. Besides, this is CL, so you're probably a supermodel or something. C'est la vie.

post id: 58848251

email to friend

best of [?]