Originally Posted: 2005-01-20 4:01pm
pssst...hey terrorists...over here I've got something to tell you
Since you have planned to come to Boston and explode a dirty bomb, let me make some suggestions as to what neighborhoods to deliver this device to.
Beacon Hill – Detonating this device will not only incur the anger and rath of the governing Republican party, but the local Democratic Senator as well. His wife’s home in this pristine neighborhood would be rendered unlivable during the radioactive half life of the weapon’s fall out. This would be bad for you, since everyone knows that the democrats are the ones who want to help China and the terrorists. On the upside you would have ended the lives of a lot of crusty old rich people who voted for President Bush just to spite their neighbor.
Back Bay – This may be your best target. You’d hit right in the middle of a major business and residential neighborhood causing great distress amongst the imperialistic employees at Fidelity and other exclusively addressed businesses. This will ruin the hair of the hip wannabees at Sonsie. The Liberals of the Republic of Cambridge will marvel at your bravery, until the prevailing winds bring the fallout to their side of the river. And then it will George Bush’s fault.
Financial District – The only people that will care if you dirty bomb this section of the city are the immediate victims. The workers that took the day off will be psyched to get all that time while the government desperately tries to clean up the radiation hazard. Plus you’ll get those pain in the ass tourists in Fanueil Hall.
The Longwood Medical District – This would be a bad area because you would only weaken your cause. The injured, the weak, the sick, the children…exploding your device in this area might even get the French upset at you, ok not the French but maybe the Germans.
BC – Most people besides Alums wouldn’t mind this happening, the ACC members might refuse to send their athletic teams here to play for the next Fifty years so it will be all away games for football.
BU – Most of the Boston R&R would applaud your decision to take out BU, but this would incur the wrath of all those Muslim families with their kids studying in the USA. It would be shame to ruin the campus that they have finally started to centralize.
Dorchester, Roxbury & Mattapan – Exploding your device here would only enrage Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton proclaiming that: George Bush has failed to act in the interest of a progressive America. His administration has once again turned a blind eye to needs of the African-American community.
South Boston – The rest of the city has been looking for a nearby location for a recycling center and a very large land fill. Southie would fill the bill. No one loses if you bomb this neighborhood.
Charlestown – Lots of historic stuff to get a red neck to maybe not turn the station when the breaking news cuts into his Sunday NASCAR race. The rest of the city won’t miss the Townies but losing the USS Constitution might get them pissed off.
East Boston, Chelsea, Everett – Not one single person whose opinion matters could care less if the cockroaches and vermin from these cities were eliminated, hell they’ve all been trying to figure out a way to clean up these cities.
Fenway Park – You guys fuck with Fenway Park and you can bet dollars to krispy crèmes that the City of Boston will declare war on the Country of China and will win hands down. Those fuckers may even take out North Korea for shits and giggles if anything happens to Johnny Damon’s hair.
The Fleet(or whatever they plan to call it next week/month/year)Center – No one would even notice. It’s not like anyone goes over there anyway.
Chinatown – Yes we know you wouldn’t want to kill your own families but in case you have one of those stupid terrorist moments and accidentally detonate it here I will personally seek you dopes out if anything happens to my favorite stripper at Centerfolds.
In closing, I’d like to ask, why would you want to hurt us Bostonians…you need to go to the Midwest if you want to affect change in our elections process. Otherwise even Hilary Clinton won’t stand a chance in ’08 and we all know your buddies in the Motherland need people like the Clintons’ in power in order to aid their intelligence network. For maximum impact might I suggest Yankee Stadium, it’s in the Bronx Section of New York and that way you won’t have to trek all the way up here to Boston anyway. Thanks for listening.
this is in or around boston