Give it up, Hipster. An Ode.
Goodbye my drummer boy.
You've given me much shitty poetry,
You've given me much soy.
Goodbye my filthy artist.
Goodbye my movie nerd.
You only like to talk about,
Bands whose names I've never heard.
Goodbye my Berkley painter.
Goodbye Emerson Film God.
Your stupid labels kill me,
I'm not even sure what is "mod".
Goodbye my pierce-ed DJ,
Goodbye "my band's in town".
I'm sick of feeling uncool,
I've thrown the gauntlet down.
You can have your indie movies,
you can have your studio time,
you can have your thrift store clothing,
that cost you just a dime.
You insulted Bono once too many,
And this time I jump ship.
You're drummer arms are hot as hell,
I dig your barbelled nip.
Still, I'm leaving you,
you've got cool friends,
you even have cool hair.
You have lots of craigslist my space friendsters that will want to meet you there (your annoying indie shows).
You have no job. Your friends all suck. You watch too much TV.
You'd rather analyze Kafka, then get it on with me.
Your band's no Stones,
your money's all loans.
You are bleeding your mom dry.
You're a deeply thoughtful, well endowed, wanna be artist guy.
Your paintings are OK, and your photos are pretty cool.
I know JD gives you free pot but he really is a tool.
I'll miss your tattoos dearly,
I'll miss your deep dark prose.
I'll miss that Valentine's Day
you brought me an organic, farm grown, rose.
I'll miss your half clean odor,
I'll miss your cigarettes.
I'll miss all of these things but I doubt I'll have regrets.
I'm moving on, I'm moving up.
I want an SUV,
I want a Live Strong bracelet,
I want some U-G-Gs.
(I don't really, but I know you hate these things, so I want them)
I want a boy whose mom's name I know, not the name of his drum sticks.
I want a boy who likes my ass and I'M where he gets his kicks.
So alone you are, alone in the world. You won't be upset for long.
Misery is perfect timing to write a brand new song (for your band that sucks).
Goodbye my Rock Star slacker,
Goodbye my Bookworm Brain.
Goodbye my vegan protester,
this is in or around Boston (Allston does not Rock City, Allston is fairly lame)